What makes this night different from all other nights? You're about to get drunk. Yes, at a Passover seder, you have to drink — and the operative word here is have to. See, we Jewish people are so smart that we created a holiday in which you're obligated to drink four glasses of wine with dinner. For some of us, that's just a typically Monday night. For others, it means a guaranteed Tuesday hangover.
Worst of all for your poor body, you'll probably be chugging Manischevitz, that super-sweet kosher for Passover wine. (On the bright side, at least now you can block out your aunt saying "You're still single? I know a single doctor across the country!")
Your liver can only process one drink per hour, so four drinks will set you right at the edge. Assuming your host pours generously, you've got to prepare yourself. This isn't about pacing — the seder does that for you; it tells you when it's time to drink. This is about getting yourself ready, because you've got to stay classy. Hebrew ain't easy when you're tipsy.
1. Mentally Prepare Yourself
Nothing says "preparation" quite like the thought of downing wine with your grandmother and long-lost aunts who you haven't seen since ... last year. Mental preparation is key to any major event — be it a holiday, a family reunion, a religious holiday, a somber memorial, or a raucous celebration — and luckily, Passover just so happens to be all of those things. Psych yourself up.
2. Have A Snack Beforehand
Yes, we know you're about to eat a big meal, but trust us, it's going to be awhile until you eat. Having a snack before the seder is a wise idea even if you're not planning on drinking. You never know exactly when the food may show up on your plate (depends how into telling the story of Passover your family gets this year), so sneak some Hillel sandwiches before the meal.
3. Don't Let This Be Your First Time Getting Trashed, Kids
First time getting drunk? This probably isn't the best time to de-virginize yourself. If your body isn't used to alcohol, you'll get drunker faster. Now, there's no need to imbibe like crazy the night before, but experimenting on a holiday with your family might not be the wisest idea. Although, it would make a good story...
4. Kindly ask Grandma Esther for water before the seder begins
You're a such smart girl. You know you have to hydrate, so fill that other glass with water. That's the key to avoiding the dehydrating effects of drinking, because you don't want that dreaded Passover hangover.
5. Remember, no one will smite you for not finishing.
This is a religious event, people. Stay classy.