John Oliver Touches On Hillary Clinton-Related Emails Even Though He Really Didn't Want To
John Oliver really wanted his segments on the election to be over. He really did. He started off the show declaring, "We did not want to talk about the election at all this week." There was plenty else he wanted to cover Sunday night: Spain's new government, Iceland electing pirates, this dog owner who dressed up as his dog's favorite toy. But, alas, FBI Director James Comey had other plans. So, yes, that brings us back to Election 2016 on Last Week Tonight and Oliver talking about Hillary Clinton-related emails once again.
That's right — Clinton emails took the stage again, because this election year is "the shit-filled cornucopia that just keeps on giving, 2016." He rolled tape of Wolf Blitzer in The Situation Room announcing "a dramatic new twist in the presidential campaign." As you're surely aware by now, Director Comey penned a letter to Congress on Friday alerting members that more emails surfaced in an "unrelated case" that "appear to be pertinent" although "the FBI cannot yet assess whether or not this material may be significant."
Oliver's take on the development? "Oh, perfect, that's just what this election and everyone's state of mind needed. Bacardi should really consider switching their slogan to 'Bacardi: because there might be more f***ing Clinton emails,'" Oliver said while showing a picture of a man drowning himself in the rum. "And if this shitty development in a shitty campaign season were not grim enough, there is also the matter of where this latest problem came from came from," Oliver said. That would be the investigation into Anthony Weiner's alleged sexting with a 15-year-old girl, which the disgraced former congressman has called the allegations a hoax:
It seems Anthony Weiner is forcing the nation to re-litigate the entire email controversy, and putting Hillary Clinton's chances of winning the presidency in serious danger... Carlos Danger.
Cue Oliver dancing to Mystikal's "Danger," an oldie but goodie from Oliver's summer 2013 stint hosting The Daily Show. But seriously, Oliver goes on, pulling himself together and declaring, "This obviously is a disgusting way for the emails case to come to light." Even look-on-the-bright-side Biden couldn't hide his disdain when told the news in an interview. Oliver showed his reaction to CNN's Michael Smerconish. It was basically "Oh, God..." and some closed eyes looking away for just a moment.
That though should be America's reaction because as Oliver said, "We don't know yet whether this is a huge problem or whether it's barely a problem at all." That's because of Comey's acknowledgement that I mentioned earlier: "The FBI cannot yet assess whether or not this material may be significant." There are some reports that say Clinton isn't implicated in any of the emails, nor did she send them. In other words:
So nine days out from the election, the FBI has basically delivered us the equivalent of a mystery box. And, like the box from the end of Se7en, it could contain anything from nothing to Gwyneth Paltrow's head — although it almost definitely contains Anthony Weiner's penis.
Plus, none of this is likely to be settled come Election Day. And that leaves us not in the best place, as Weiner's alleged sexting is a twist that has left the "election potentially hanging in the balance." And that brings us — of course — to where we are in relation to rock bottom. Well, Oliver explains:
If if you look up now you will see absolutely nothing. We have burrowed through, not just rock bottom, but through the core of the earth and we've come bursting out the other side, startling kangaroos. And we're currently hurtling toward outer space where there is no up, down, light or darkness — just an endless void in which death comes as sweet, sweet relief. Please let this thing be over soon.
Luckily for him — but maybe not for America depending on how this email thing plays — the election is just over a week away.