‘Stranger Things’ Newscaster Reports Barb’s Disappearance & Boy, Is It About Time — VIDEO

Poor Barb, your beautiful ginger pixie cut and modest blouses are so missed. For a special Halloween treat, Netflix shared a hilarious "newscast" from the town of Hawkins, Indiana, where Stranger Things is set that addresses Barb's disappearance. The video reminds us of the town's apparent lack of concern over Barb's disappearance as well as Eleven's grocery store robbery of an "unprecedented amount of Eggo waffles." In the video, we get breaking news from a Hawkins local news show, "Minute By Minute With Brenda Wood" on fictional TV station WIYZ. In real life, perm-rocking Wood is actually a veteran broadcast journalist who has been reporting and anchoring the news in Atlanta for 37 years. Wood "officially" breaks the story of Barb's mysterious and blood-driven disappearance.

She reports, “Barbara Holland, a student at Hawkins High, known as Barb to her friends, was last seen at Steve Harrington’s home just a few days ago with a number of other Hawkins-area teen." She proceeds to point out that the girl has "an oversized pair of absolutely fantastic glasses" and "can really rock a pair of mom jeans or as we call them now, 'jeans'"Apparently this fake news station reached out to Barb's "best friend" Nancy Wheeler for a comment but were "unable to reach her." It's kind of like how when Barb was getting sucked up by The Demogorgon, she was unable to reach Nancy — except, you know, the consequence for that was Barb being stuck under Steve Harrington's pool into the Upside Down, a place where no human should be. Other friends, who actually, you know, showed up, remembered Barb as "loyal to a fault" and “the kind of girl who notices if you’re wearing a new bra.”

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It's nice to know that Barb is getting some recognition from the idiotic town of Hawkins. How are they not noticing that the power company is crooked? Have none of these people seen the X-Files? Probably not, because this show is set in the '80s, but still, use your noggins, y'all. There's little girls with shaved heads destroying grocery stores, boys and girls going missing, and that sheriff is clearly up to something. Something is going on in that town, dammit.

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At least the newscaster has the foresight to remind her listeners, "and no matter what you do, avoid Mirkwood this Halloween." It's good there's someone in Hawkins who has the right idea.

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