In these troubled times, here is something you can be truly grateful for: You have not had a date swat your chopsticks out of your hands as you were eating. Yes, that is apparently a thing that happens. Yesterday, a brave woman live-tweeted the worst date ever, and it’s a doozy. Seriously, the guy in this story is a cartoon. I’d assume he was fake, if I didn’t already know that people in real life are often a hell of a lot weirder than those we make up.
This saga comes to us from writer Kelly Fine, who live-tweeted a conversation she overheard at a sushi restaurant yesterday between a woman and a man who turned out to be the actual Worst. You can probably glean everything you need to know about him from his opening words to his date: “I don't look at menus. And I'm ordering for us.” As Fine commented: Girl.
Why is it so enjoyable to listen to stories about other people’s terrible dates? Because, on the one hand, I’m sorry that this poor woman had to sit through a whole evening with an insufferable douche-canoe, but, on the other hand, I am forever grateful that his abject awfulness has been immortalized on social media for my reading pleasure. Why is it this vicarious look into the dregs of humanity so fun? Is it because, in reading about this pretentious weasel, I feel connected to all of the other people who have read the story and feel the same way? In this time of intense division and conflict, can humanity unify in its disgust for a guy who refuses, against all reason, to read a damn menu? I’m asking.
Here's the story. Things start out rocky:
And then this happens:
Oof. I would not want this patronizing dude to call me "Sweetie." The menu saga continues.
Fine says it eventually becomes apparent that the promotion tour was for being a DJ, because of course it was.
Fine figures out that the couple isn't on a first date, but then gets concerned that they might be married.
And the guy just keeps going.
He is officially The Worst Ever.
OF ALL TIME.
Finally, the horror is over:
Let's all say it together: Guy, you are the woooooorrrrrrsssst.
Images: sarra22/E+/Getty Images; Giphy