We are only three episodes into Season 5 of Vanderpump Rules, and we’ve already been treated to a SUR alley scene that deserves to be inducted into the SUR Alley Fight Hall of Fame. Katie Maloney and Lala Kent's recent battle in the Sexy Unique Alley gave us so much: accusations, rumors, half-hearted apologies, name-calling, rescinded apologies, and a debate about how much it costs to lease a Range Rover. (I know I’ve said it 10,000 times already, but the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills offshoot is so good to us.) Do you know what else it gave us? An insta-classic Chrissy Teigen Pump Rules tweet. As she watched Lala and Katie solve zero issues while perched next to that mountain of spare dining room chairs, everyone's dream best friend tweeted something any Pump Rules devotee can relate to: “I’m gonna start hanging out in the alley of SUR, sitting on the abandoned motorcycle just to watch Pump Rules live.”
If Teigen actually started lurking around Lisa Vanderpump's Sexy Unique Restaurant, she would be my hero always and forever. (Oh, wait. She’s already my hero.) The thought of the Lip Sync Battle co-host posting up in the hallowed SUR alley and waiting for a Pump fight to break out is a thought I will cherish until the end of time. Like, if I was ever lucky enough to stumble upon Teigen kicking it back by the SUR chair tower, I would probably explode into a million goat cheese balls. And once I pulled myself together, I would nervously ask if I could join her. It would be such an honor to listen to and drink in all of Teigen's Pump Rules takes. Her tweets about the show are fire, but to hear her reactions in person would be next-level. Teigen wants to see the Pump Rules drama unfold IRL, and I want to hear her Pump Rules commentary IRL.
I would like to put the following out into the universe: I wish Bravo would give Teigen her very own Pump Rules commentary show. I’ve accepted that I will never get to watch the reality series with her, but a Mystery Science Theater 3000 -esque program where Teigen reacts to full episodes of Vanderpump Rules would be a stellar alternative. Oh, and other Pump-obsessed celebs like Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lawrence, and Tegan and Sara could guest co-host every episode. And it could be filmed in the SUR alley. And the theme song could be John Legend’s cover of “Raise Your Glass.” That one's a no-brainer.
You better believe I would raise my glass high to Chrissypump Rules.