10 Ways You're Making Yourself Seem Unattractive That Have Nothing To Do With Appearance
Confidence is everything: regardless of how you look, it's how you act and feel about yourself that counts. I am all for empowerment, and as a female, it's natural to want to strut your stuff and accentuate your beauty. However, if you're making yourself seem less attractive than you are, you're downplaying the things that make you truly unique, radiant, and awesome, and it'll take away some of that appeal that would draw people towards you.
As a certified health coach, I work with clients on boosting self-esteem and body-love in order to feel happier and healthier in their skin. Unfortunately, when that confidence is lacking, or you're engaging in certain behaviors that are compromising your appeal to others, it can take away from your assets and make you appear less attractive or valuable to others. While we focus a lot of promoting self-acceptance and appreciation, rather than the judgement of attractiveness by others, the two are very much related. If you're feeling more pleased with who you are and how you express yourself, others will be inclined to get to know you, too. Here are 10 ways you're making yourself seem less attractive than you really are.
1. Putting Yourself Down Too Often
"Self-deprecation is an easy way to get a laugh and show that you don't take yourself too seriously. But be careful constantly talking down to yourself or making jokes at your own expense," advises Franchesca Ramsey of MTV's Decoded over email with Bustle. "Constant negative talk can make you a bummer to be around and ultimately influence you in ways you aren't always aware of," Ramsey says.
2. Not Believing In Yourself
If you don't believe in yourself and your self-worth, it will definitely show all over, explains Tina Muir, Community Manager & Elite Runner at RunnersConnect over email with Bustle. "If you think that you are not good enough, not pretty enough, or generally just down about yourself, you are going to slump forward and give off a 'stay away from me' kind of vibe," says Muir. "If you don't believe in how great you are, why should other people?" adds Muir.
3. Poor Posture
Muir explains that confidence radiates from good posture, shoulders, and a powerful presence. Slouching can make you seem insecure and less confident than you are in reality. "Shoulders back, chest out. It is a very confident pose, and that confidence not only attracts other people, but it will make you feel good, which will make you smile," advises Muir.
4. Ignoring Self-Care
Feeling clean and confident can instantly boost self-esteem and make you appear more attractive, due to your own burst of confidence, explains Orit Hashay, CEO of Brayola over email with Bustle. Invest a little time in skin care and clothing that makes you feel your best and showcases your personality.
5. Focusing On Your Weaknesses
According to Marlene Wallach, President of Wilhelmina Kids & Teens over email with Bustle, focusing on your weaknesses can make you feel inferior and low. "When you concentrate on what you believe are your weaknesses, you give them a lot of energy. In turn, that gives them power," says Wallach. Instead, "take that energy and power and turn it into your assets. Start by writing down one thing you like about yourself every day," recommends Wallach.
6. Getting Caught Up On Features That Can't Change
"There are some things you simply cannot change, like the color of your eyes or your height. Perhaps you feel that that is making you 'less attractive', however, it is the exact opposite," explains Wallach. "... start working on your goals instead of obsessing on things you have no control over," recommends Wallach, as a healthier alternative.
7. Comparing Yourself To Others
Comparing yourself to others might make you feel less attractive than you are, and it will make others feel you are insecure. Instead, focus on your own attributes, advises Wallach. "Your best friend might have beautiful blonde hair while yours is a deep shade of brown. Everyone is unique and your beauty is all your own. So size yourself up by your own set of measurements," says Wallach.
8. Wearing Uncomfortable Clothes
If you're uncomfortable in your skin and clothing, it shows. Wallach explains that this can make you seem less confident and awkward. "If it makes you feel awkward, take it off. There are plenty of fun styles to try so don't force yourself into clothes you are not comfortable wearing. You must be comfortable in your own skin too," Wallach says.
9. Not Taking Care Of Your Body
Your body deserves some love, activity, fuel, and self-care. If you're not giving it the sustenance it needs, you're probably not going to feel so hot. "Eat well, exercise and get enough sleep. If you treat your body like the precious instrument it is, it will allow you to make beautiful music throughout your life," says Wallach.
10. Putting Down Your Body
Speaking negatively about your body, especially around others, as Elizabeth Ann Shaw, MS, RDN, CLT explains over email with Bustle, can lower self-esteem. "When you yourself feel down in the dumps about your body image, imagine the messages you are sending to your peers," recommends Shaw. Try positivity for greater appeal.
If any of these issues seem relatable to you, try being more confident and giving your body more love to generate greater appeal amongst peers. If you're really insecure, it will show through. Remember to enjoy life and feel good about yourself each day in order to make others feel the same way about you.
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