Everyday Habits That Drive People Away

Sure, you may bite your nails, look tired AF, or constantly wake up with a face full of pimples. But when it comes to being a truly beautiful person, looks (and your perceived physical flaws) really have nothing to do with it. In fact, there are several everyday habits that make you less attractive, and none of them have anything to do with the standard definition of beauty.

Because when you think about it, the most lovely people in your life may or may not be physically "pretty." But I bet they are more than wonderful in other ways. Think about your grandma who constantly puts everyone else first, or that messy neighbor of yours who always has the best smile (even when it's way too early, and you have no idea where she finds the energy). Kindness, and a good personality — that's what real attractiveness is all about.

However, I get that it can be tough to let sink in, especially since our culture tends to focus on one type of beauty — models, celebrities, the popular girl in school. I'm sure all those ladies are great, but perfect skin and hair, and super long legs, are not the only ways to be beautiful. If you truly want to be lovely, to the core, then start being more like your grandma, or your neighbor. And be sure to avoid the following habits, as they are not only bad, but wildly unattractive.

1. Flaking Out On Plans

If you know for sure you aren't going to peal yourself off the couch tonight, then I implore you — tell your friends now. Yes, canceling plans sucks. But nothing sucks more than getting flaked on at the very last second. People value dependability, so constantly canceling last-minute just makes you look like a bad friend. And there's nothing cute about that.

2. Whining And Complaining

For many of us, complaining is our go-to conversation starter. We complain about the weather, whine about it only being Monday, find fault in everything, etc. It's totally normal. But take it too far, and you'll quickly enter into the realm of unattractive intolerability.

3. Being Rude To Servers

Whether it's snapping at a barista while ordering coffee, or talking down to a waiter in a restaurant, being rude to people in the service industry is a dead giveaway that someone is a horrible (and ugly) person. "The way people treat restaurant staff is, I think, a kind of poker tell, revealing a person's character in as long as it takes to say: 'I'll have the sea bass,'" said Rachel Cooke in The Guardian. As an ex barista who has seen some sh*t, I couldn't agree more.

4. Not Being Willing To Try Something New

Imagine you're on a date with someone you just met. In the first scenario, he or she is willing to try everything — new foods, a new bar, they're willing to get up and dance. Now imagine scenario number two, where your date refuses to try anything new. Regardless of what they actually look like, I bet you'd find mystery person number one far more attractive, simply because they were willing to have new experiences. There's just something so lovely about an open mind.

5. Getting Too Defensive

Defensive people blow up over the smallest things, and turn everything into an argument. They also can't seem to take any criticism (constructive or otherwise), and it really makes them difficult to be around. "Once we’re in defensive or reactive mode, we can’t take in new information or see two sides of an issue," said Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., on Psychology Today. The opposite of that? Listening to all sides of the story, and arguing your point calmly, and rationally.

6. Lacking Sensitivity

Agreeable people are empathetic, kind, trusting, and make wonderful friends. "They always seek and attempt to create harmony and concord," said Adrian Furnham, Ph.D., on Psychology Today. Disagreeable, on the other hand? Not so much. It just goes to show that kindness can take you a long way in life — by making you more attractive, and therefore granting you a plethora of friends. What could be better than that?

7. Not Listening

There's a huge difference between nodding and saying "mhmm," and actually listening to what people say. Obviously one is a far more likable, and attractive trait, than the other. So if you want to come off as the warmest and friendliest person who ever was, think about practicing some listening skills. "People who listen well look a certain way," said Adam Dachis on They make eye contact, they lean in, and they offer signs that they're paying attention (like a head nod). Oh, and they actually pay attention.

8. Being Negative 24/7

There is something funny, in my humble opinion, about a little sarcasm, or some mutual complaining about work/the weather/life in general. It's a great conversation starter (see point above), and the occasional dark outlook can be incredibly funny. But at some point, the negativity needs to stop. Some people take it way too far to the point where everything they say is negative this, and downer that. It's not nice to be around.

9. Bragging

There's nothing less attractive than the person at the bar who's trying to one-up everyone. Sure, it's probably coming from a place of low self-confidence, but it doesn't make it any less unattractive. So if you feel a brag coming on, even if it's a humblebrag, try to keep it to yourself.

10. Talking Behind Someone's Back

There's no other way to look at it — gossip is mean, and it sucks. While it's pretty normal to get caught up in it from time to time, try not to adopt this tactic as your MO in conversations. It's a good way to lose everyone's trust, and it comes off as catty 100 percent of the time. Not a good look.

11. Telling White Lies

Little white lies aren't the biggest deal ever. In fact, many of us tell them out of compassion, rather than the desire to deceive, according to Psychology Today. But they can add up and turn you into someone who is constantly untangling their web of fibs and tall tales. Whether it's lying about why you're late to work, or why you can't hang out with a friend, it creates a sense of falsity that everyone can sense. It's best to just be an honest, and open person. It's simply way more likable.

And I think that's the general theme here — being likable increases your attractiveness. That's because beauty isn't about your genetics, your dress size, or the color of your hair. It's about being a sweet, caring, and interesting person. There's nothing lovelier than that.

Images: Pexels (12)