Vladimir Putin Is Back On The Market! Cha-Ching, Now's Your Chance...

RU ready for a change? Russian President Vladimir Putin's divorce from his wife of 30 years, Lyudmila, was finalized Tuesday, which means — cha-ching! — the arrow-shooting, judo-chopping, nose-thumbing Russian president is officially back on the market. Time to tell your other suitors to back off before the country's modern-day KGB does it for you.

Not to pour too much cold water on that fantasy, but Putin is reportedly dating — or maybe even secretly married to — Russian gymnast Alina Kabaeva. The Putins announced their divorce on Russian TV last year, after which the Russian media mysteriously neglected to cover it. In the appearance, a reporter asked whether the Putins lived separately. "That's true," Putin answered:

My activities, my work is very public. Some people like it, some don’t — but there are some people who are absolutely incompatible with it. Lyudmila Aleksandrovna has done eight years’, even nine years’, duty. So, to sum it up, it was a joint decision.

All in all a really awkward way of saying a marriage is kaput. Lyudmila Shkrebneva chimed in: "Our marriage is over, because we practically never see each other.”

The BBC tells us, unnecessarily, that Vlad (pet name, just tryin' it out) and Lyudmila Shkrebneva are the country's "best-known couple." They have two kids in their late 20s who went to school under assumed names and who most Russians wouldn't even recognize, according to The New York Times. No, seriously, this is about as much as we know about them, from a documentarian who filmed Putin a few years back:

They are existing. They are phoning. They are available.

Cool, Putin. You know who else is available? Me!

Obviously the Twitterverse is rife with speculation (and more bad jokes) about the bachelor:

Here are some tips to help you get to know the president better while he irons out the right headline for his Match.com profile.

He is an enemy of fish:

A friend of puppies (although this guy's a better friend to dogs generally:)

An ace at judo:

And overall a modern-day Cupid.