Oh, to be or not to be [a theater major]. Being a theater major in college is, according to some folks, one of the most useless majors there is. After all, who can take you seriously when you've spent your four years of college rolling around on the floor and getting in touch with all of that "imagination" and "energy" inside of you? Sure, you can tell HR people at job interviews that you acquired lots of impressive talents in your four years at school — People skills! Teamwork! Public speaking! — but in all likelihood, they just want to know how masterful your Excel skills are.
What folks on the outside often fail to recognize is that we theater majors have one important thing in common: a vehement passion for what we're studying. Sure, come graduation, we may realize, Hey, I don't play Wretched Shrew #4 anymore, but there's something really special, and, dare I say it — dramatically artistic —about being a theater major.
Yes, if you were a theatre major in college (or are lucky enough to be one now) you know what I'm talking about. There are some things that only we theater majors can truly understand.
you know that, unfortunately, Auditions Determine Your Self Worth
You know you're better than Stella Kowalski or Spear Holder #7, but still. Thank God for free campus therapy!
and that There Are Certain Monologues You Should Never Say At Auditions
Or you will look like a tool. Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou never read a Shakespearean play?
A Vocal Warm-Up Does Not Necessarily Mean Singing
It's getting in touch with your breath and consonants and vowels! Anne Hathaway knows what you're talking about.
You've Been Accused By Your Roommates Of Having A Seizure on the floor
It's just Fitzmaurice work, jeez!
Or of having really loud, odd sounding sex when you're not
As Kristin Linklater says, let it out on sound.
Ain't No Themed Costume Party Like A Theater-Kid Themed Costume Party
which leads to More Departmental Incest Than A Lannister Household
Why does everyone feel the need to make out with each other? Because we're hot.
you know What It's Like To Be Caught In A Bad Showmance
That's right — it's supposed to be sung to the tune of "Bad Romance."
But, seriously — why is that guy you're playing opposite suddenly so hot?
What It Feels Like To Realize You've Been Playing Old Ladies For 4 Years
...And then realize that you have no clue what to audition with in real life.
how you feel before Your First NYC Audition:
you know The Frustration Of Summer Stock Auditions
Okay, they're supposed to judge you in 90 seconds and a tap dance?! And why is everyone singing so loudly!?
and you are well-aware what your outer and inner animals are
Like, I'm a chipmunk, FYI.
You Live In Fear Of Getting Nodes
Whatever the hell they were.
and You've Criticized Idina Menzel's Breathing Technique In "Defying Gravity"
Even though she, indeed, defies gravity. Hey, let it go!
That Feeling When You Discovered Your Job Options
Why won't anyone pay me to analyze Ibsen?!!? Must I recite Chekhov monologues in a storage closet!!?!?
and realizing You Can Never Watch A Show Again Without Picking It Apart
What was his actions? Her motivations? What's her inner animal? Whatever, I'll applaud.
And Yet, Somehow, You Have An Even More Unyielding Appreciation For The Craft
Yes, a Le Mis GIF is always appropriate as a finale. Always.
What we did for love.