Happy National Cheese Day! 27 Things Only Cultured Cheese Lovers Understand

MIAMI BEACH, FL - FEBRUARY 28: Cheese on display during the Goya Foods Grand Tasting Village featuring MasterCard Grand Tasting Tents & KitchenAid® Culinary Demonstrations during 2016 Food Network & Cooking Channel South Beach Wine & Food Festival Presented By FOOD & WINE at Grand Tasting Village on February 28, 2016 in Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo by Aaron Davidson/Getty Images for SOBEWFF®)
Source: Aaron Davidson/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

There are wine snobs, beer snobs, foodies, and there are most definitely cheese snobs. I myself am one of them. After spending a few years behind the counter as a cheese monger, my taste for all things curdy expanded immensely. I also learned a great deal about cheese-making, flavor, pairings, and more fun facts about wheels of cheese than I ever dreamed possible. The world of cheese is a beautiful one filled with complex tastes, endless variety, and people who take it very, very seriously (There's a Cheesemonger Invitational, y'all!) Yes, June 4 may be National Cheese Day, but for some of us, this is a lifestyle. 

So if you're the person whose job on the holidays is to bring the cheese plate — and you know that means more than cubing up some grocery store cheddar and throwing some pepperoni on a plate — then this is for you. If you get exceedingly excited for the start of fig season, this is definitely for you. And if your kitchen is stocked with enough cheese cloth and wax paper to merit a Project Runway unconventional materials challenge ... then I might marry you. 

Because there are certain things only we true cheese lovers can understand.

It takes all of the effort not to look like this when someone offers you Jarlsberg

Cheese should crumble, crack, melt, or ooze...not bounce!

how you feel when someone tells you they just HATE goat cheese

You know there's more than just the stuff that goes in salad, right?

The more something smells like foot, the more you want it

Adjectives like "ripe," "weepy," and "funky" are appealing to you.

When someone dips the cheese knife into the honey

When someone uses the soft cheese knife on the hard cheese

Or vice versa.

Frankly, When Anyone Uses A Knife on More Than One Cheese

You've stopped trying to explain that "Brie" is name-protected

It's just like Champagne, guys. 

The sadness you feel when someone tells you their favorite cheese is halloumi

Or worse, they "don't like cheese." What kind of a monster are you?

You own more graters and cheese knives than you do plates and cups


You feel the same way about your Parmigiano Reggiano as you do about your laptop

It's an investment. If you want it to last long and perform well, you have to buy up.

It's beyond you why so many people call it "MancheNgo"

When did that extra "N" get in there!?

You'd rather get a wedge of cheese than a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day

This? This is love.

You buy your wine and beer based on what cheese is currently in your kitchen

Won't both of you grow old with me?

How you feel about Vegans

Or soy cheese

you know that nachos can most certainly be a gourmet dinner 


You subscribe to this

Your local monger gets really excited when you come in

Because now they have an excuse to crack open that really fudgy wheel of Stichelton or ripe Reblochon.

You Also Regularly Lie to Your Monger 

"Seven cheeses are too many for one person, you say? Oh, well, good, because — uh — I have 10 people coming to dinner. Yeah. So let's make it eight actually."

You Know You're Supposed to Only Use Two Cheeses For Fondue...

Gruyere and Emmentaler are the Brangelina of fondue cheese. Grummentaler.

...But Sometimes You Just Need Five, You Know?

But what if we add Roquefort?

Of course you eat the rind!

Unless it's wax, because, ick.

Your grilled cheeses are next-level

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Excuse me while I drool.

You love getting the blues

Oh everyone else at the party won't even try it? OH WELL MORE FOR ME. 

And You Know That Any Cheese-Hater Can Be Turned With a Hunk of D'Affinois


This was a game changer


but at the end of the day, you still ain't too proud for this

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No matter how many incredible clothbound cheddars you've tasted, or how how many baguettes you lovingly sliced, or how many robust alpines you've used in your own fancy mac 'n cheese recipe.




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