Domino's Has Created a Monster

I thought that after the relative failure of KFC’s Double Down, we’d seen the last of chicken-bread-replacement fast food items. Apparently, though, I was wrong. Enter Domino's Specialty Chicken, a terrifying new creation that people are equating with a fried chicken crust pizza. And for the curious, yes — it’s even more terrifying than Taco Bell's Waffle Taco.

Launched on Sunday as part of the Domino’s lunch menu, this strange and mysterious “Specialty Chicken” thing consists of lightly breaded, boneless chicken meat topped with sauces, cheeses, and other traditional pizza add-ons. It comes in four flavors: Crispy Bacon & Tomato, Spicy Jalapeño-Pineapple, Classic Hot Buffalo, and Sweet BBQ Bacon. Said Russell Weiner, Domino’s chief marketing officer, in a press release, “Our new Specialty Chicken is one of the most creative innovative menu items we have ever had. Our pizza chefs have taken chicken to a whole new level, using our unique ingredients to create these four bold flavors. There’s nothing quite like Domino’s Specialty Chicken on the market today.” For good reason, dude.

It’s...certainly a whole new something. The fried chicken crust pizza comparison is not entirely accurate; I would argue that it’s more like chicken nachos, wherein the tortilla chips have been replaced by fried chicken bits. Or something. I don’t know. What I do know is that people have turned weirder things into to pizza before (cheeseburger-stuffed pizza, anyone? How about one stuffed with a hot dog? No? Yeah, I don’t blame you.) — and no, I don’t feel any better about it now than I did then.

These days, we don’t hear much about the Double Down, although apparently it's returning for a limited time soon; I wonder if Domino’s Specialty Chicken will meet the same fate? All I can say is this: Thank goodness I’m not in the habit of getting fast food for lunch. Because...blech.

Image: Domino's/Facebook