What Is Even Happening Here?!

What the worlds?! There go all of our theories about Once Upon A Time's Wicked Witch having daddy issues with Rumpelstiltskin — because they don't look related at all in these new episode stills for Sunday night's episode "Bleeding Through." While we were all still trying to figure out what exactly Zelena wants with Rumpel, besides revenge for him calling her weak, and why she's holding him captive like a wild animal, things apparently got hot and heavy between them. But I wouldn't start 'shipping them just yet.

The synopsis for "Bleeding Through" gives absolutely nothing away about this tense moment between the Wicked Witch and the Dark One, which leads us to believe there's more to the situation than what meets the eye. We obviously know that Zelena's not holding Rumpel captive because she's trying to romance him — her disdain for him goes back decades and it's not because of a broken heart. And every OUAT fan knows that even though Rumpel's a little messed up right now, he hasn't forgotten about Belle or his feelings for her. So what the hell is going on here and what's Zelena trying to prove? Here's what we can tell for sure from the series of stills:

Rumpel is kissing her. So that squashes any idea that she's putting the moves on him — in fact, this more or less proves that there's a lot more going on here than just a kiss. There's no way Rumpel would volunteer to kiss his captor that essentially killed his son. UNLESS he's trying to use romance as a distraction to get away from her.

And he started it. Well, that's aggressive — and totally not like Rumpel because HE LOVE BELLE, REMEMBER? RED ALERT, RED ALERT. Something is really not right here. If Rumpel is trying to romance her in an attempt to escape, he's being way too bold and Zelena will definitely be able to tell that he's not genuine. But let's continue our analysis.

They're both going for it. So she hasn't been taken by surprise here — she knew this was coming and she was ready and willing to go with it. Could this actually be for real and her animosity towards Rumpel choosing Regina over her is more about romantic-rooted jealousy than self-esteem-rooted jealousy? I still can't get behind them being romantic — it's too weird that she's making out with someone who's supposed to be her prisoner and who she's kept caged up like a wild animal. Just saying.

Just kidding — the dagger is involved. How quickly we forget that Zelena has the dagger, which means she can control Rumpel without lifting a finger of her own powers. So was she trying to prove how the dagger works? Did Rumpel mention Belle, prompting Zelena to freak out and try to prove to him how easy it is for her to erase all of his memories of the love of his life? That seems like a tactic she'd use to break his fighter's spirit.

And there it is. She's brandishing that weapon with an expression that's all like, "I'm gonna show you who's the boss here." So does this confirm that she forced Rumpel to kiss her? Or is she reacting and retaliating to his feeble attempt to bring her guard down with a bold, romantic display of affection? Considering who we're dealing with here, it's almost impossible to tell.

But there's one indisputable fact that comes out of dissecting these photos. Well, not really, we don't need to dissect them to see what's right in front of our faces: Rumpel is NOT the Wicked Witch's father. And, honestly, we couldn't be happier that OUAT's character aren't getting anymore connected than they already are.

Images: ABC (6)