Oprah's Stepmom Is Just Like These 7 Crazy People You Have In Your Family

Everybody has crazy family drama. Literally everyone (and if they say they don't they're probably lying to you). Even, it seems, the Queen of Everything, Ms. Oprah Winfrey. After the recent divorce of her father from Winfrey's step mother of 14 years, Barbara Winfrey decided to speak out to The Daily Mail in a two-part interview for the ages. Turns out? Barbara is very unhappy with Ms. O, as evidenced by the myriad article quotes that showcase not one, but nearly every single kind of family drama iteration possible. It can't all be inspirational tours and Martin Luther King, Jr. miniseries.

One thing is certain, though: it's sure to make you feel at least a little bit better about the fact that your Crazy Aunt Pearl doesn't understand your relationship status or that Ol' Grandma Esther hates your hobbies. But don't just take our word for it, read on and see for yourself. Here's what Barbara had to say ... we've just classified them as if they came from the mouths of your crazy family members.

Things Your Great-Aunt Myrtle Would Say to Her Bridge Club

"She describes Oprah’s relationship with close confidante Gayle King, 59, as 'bizarre' and 'unhealthy,' and points to it as the reason that neither woman is married. "

"Gayle was there and the way it worked she walked on one side, Oprah on the other and they peppered me with questions. I felt like I was being interrogated by the FBI. She had a large farm, about 125 acres. By the end of the walk I felt we'd covered the whole farm."

"I don't think she has one relationship in her life that you or I would understand."

Thoughts Your Exasperated Uncle Jerry Would Express to No One In Particular

"My crime, I think, was to talk to her like a normal person and she didn't like that one bit."

"I don't think Oprah really wanted to be there but she couldn't not be at such a big event [Barbara and Vernon's wedding]. How would that look?"

Musings of Your Cousin Kooky Karol to Her Pet Kibbles

"My husband once told me that just because someone gives you something does not mean they love you. He was talking about Oprah."

Great-Aunt Samantha's Philosophical Thoughts as Told to Your Great Uncle Raymond

According to Barbara, "Some people can have money and be mentally rich – secure in what they have I guess. But others, how can I put it…some people you can't take the ghetto out of."

Critiques from Grandma Evelyne to Your Mother

Barbara said, with thinly veiled relish, "She was a horrible decorator. Money cannot buy you taste. She would put plaid with stripes and all sorts."

"In Indiana she must have had 200 dolls, some of them looked like they could have gone back to the slave days, lined up on long benches in the hallway. It was creepy."

Your Mother's Thoughts, As Overheard by Your Nosy Niece Natalia

"Vernon wanted to do the DNA test but Oprah said, 'No.' I think she’s afraid because she knows it would prove he IS her father. She can't quite believe that such a silly man could make such a magnificent creature."

"But Vernon's her father all right. They have the same big feet, with the same callouses underneath; they have the same bags under their eyes and the same nose. They're so alike."

"Oprah doesn't want to know the truth of her past, where she’s from."

What Your Older Sister Connie Thinks About You, According to Her BFFs

"She's a human like anybody else but she spends so much energy hiding the real her."