The 'Southern Charm' Reunion's 16 Best Quotes (Yes, Kathryn Dennis's Eyelashes Get a Shout-out)

During Monday night’s freshly taped Southern Charm reunion, the Charmers were, for the most part, their typical cheeky and honest selves. Just the way we like 'em. While I thought my imaginary BFF Cameran Eubanks might run the reunion party, Shep Rose was King Candid. I was actually surprised at how reserved Cameran was. She certainly had some stellar moments, but my expectations were high. I'd banked on at least five fart jokes. No such luck. The reunion could've used more Cam and more toilet humor, that's for sure.

You know who else it could've used more of? Queen Patricia Altschul, doye. Whitney Sudler-Smith said she couldn't make the reunion because she was sick with the flu. NO! Not Queen Patricia! Say it with me now: It's time for her medicine. But like, real medicine.

Enough about what the reunion lacked — let us appreciate what it had! First things first, everyone still seems to genuinely like one another. When host Andy Cohen brought up potentially awkward topics (namely all of the hookups), the cast remained relatively unaffected. What else? Oh! We also learned a little more about Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis' relationship. Additionally, as one of the preview clips led us to believe, we heard quite a bit about Shep's love life during the reunion. (Shep says he was joking about the birth control comment.) Craig Conover said he only has two weeks left of law school. Jenna King confirmed that she and Lou are kaput. Shep showed off his Foghorn Leghorn-esque T-Rav impression. I couldn't jot down the stuff they were saying fast enough. Verbal pearls and rubies, I tell ya.

Here are the reunion quotes that stuck out. Some are funny, some are informative. All of them are important to me.

CAMERAN EUBANKS

When Andy congratulated her on her recent nuptials: "I'm officially not interesting anymore!"

Psh, not true. You take it back.

When asked why her now-husband didn't appear on the show: “Not everybody wants to be on reality TV.” (They've been together for over three years!)

Not only did he avoid the Bravo cameras altogether, but there's very little about him online. I know he goes by Dr. Jason Wimberly, but I think Cameran's husband's real title is Ninja Jason Wimberly.

SHEP ROSE

When asked if he wants to settle down with a woman: “I don’t like asking for permission for anything … I yearn for freedom, like William Wallace.” (He also brought up the song “Free Bird” and said he wanted to go hunting around the world.)

A Braveheart reference. A "Free Bird" reference. A desire to hunt around the world. This quote had it all.

When asked about his fiancé's/his parents: “I could sit down with a spreadsheet and tell you all about it.”

"I could sit down with a spreadsheet and tell you all about it" is my new catch-all response.

WHITNEY SUDLER-SMITH

When asked about his and his girlfriend's age difference: “In Europe, [women are] far more mature than their American counterparts."

Okay.

THOMAS RAVENEL

When asked how real the big finale fight was: “None of it was scripted. Those were my own thoughts, my own feelings.”

T-Rav? More like T-Real!

After Whitney said it was embarrassing T-Rav cried on national television: “Real men cry.”

[Genuine applause]

“When I saw myself on TV drunk, I thought, I’ve got to cut way back. This is ridiculous.”

This seems like it might be a difficult task. I've been led to believe the Charleston air tastes like drunk.

CRAIG CONOVER

When Shep suggested Craig be Whitney's personal assistant: “But then I’d have to sleep with him.”

Oh, CRAIG.

JENNA KING

When asked how she makes money: “I’m really good at rolling the dice and playing Craps.”

Teach me! Teach me!

KATHRYN DENNIS

When asked when she and T-Rav are getting married: “There’s nothing on my hand, so... ”

Shut it down.

“We got back together the next day [after the fight]."

AWWWWW.

“ …and those terrible eyelashes, I do apologize."

AWWWWWWWW.

ANDY COHEN

“God, if we spent any more time talking about the Civil War on these reunions!”

Could you imagine if he wasn't being facetious? Could you imagine a world in which Gretchen Rossi took over the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion and clicked through a slideshow about the Battle of Fort Sumter? What a dream.

COMBO

T-Rav: “ …ergo, it helps me as a person” Andy: “Ergo!" Shep: “It’s an old Latin term.” Andy: “Thanks, Shep.”

Oh, SHEPARD.

Andy: “[T-Rav and Kathryn's dad] wear the same style pants."Kathryn: “I did not notice that."

AHGTAHJGHAGSFSCSJZLXK

I do hope those quotes brought you as much joy as they brought me. Yes, the reunion is over, but the Southern Charm party has yet to call it a night. Next Monday: Secrets Revealed. Catch ya then, turds.

Image: Bravo