A lot — and I mean a lot — has been written about the do’s and don’ts of successfully picking someone up on Tinder. But you know what? We’ve all been doing it wrong. This guy? This guy may be the only person on Tinder who is actually doing it right.
These hilarious screen grabs recently surfaced on Tickld, and they are quite possibly the funniest things I’ve ever read. Not only that, but I learned some valuable lessons about what to do and what not to do while cruising Tinder for hookups. I don’t even use Tinder, but if I did, you can be sure I’d be going by this guy’s playbook. Here’s what I learned:
1. DO: Play the Name Game.
It’s important to know what your hookup likes to be called. Even if your hookup is Disney's The Lizard King.
2. DO: Share Your Interests.
You never know — you could meet someone who is as into the idea of King Tut doing an olly as you are.
3. DON’T: Share Your Location Until You’re Ready To.
4. DO: Ask Thought-Provoking Questions.
And follow it up with a request for coffee. Everyone loves long, deep conversations over endless cups of coffee.
5. DON’T: Pour Your Heart Out Too Soon.
Tinder is for hookups, remember?
6. DO: Solicit Your Partner’s Opinion.
Just, y’know… make sure you’re both on the same page about what the topic is.
7. DON’T: Expose Yourself to an Open Flame While Messaging Someone.
Multitasking is all well and good, but this one will only end in tears.
8. DO: Keep Your Expectations Realistic.
“All I Want for Christmas” is the worst holiday song ever. Just sayin’.
Obviously these are all jokes, so no, I don’t actually recommend employing them to find a hot date (that’s a surefire way to land yourself on r/creepyPMs, or — even better — Instagranniepants); I do, however, give the guy major props for being the best online dating troll ever. If you want some real Tinder tips, Betches Love This is a pretty good place to start. Hint: Beginning with “Hey girl” is not the way to a lady’s heart. Unless you’re Ryan Gosling, that is.