New App "BreakupText" Will Do Your Dirty Work For You
Thanks to innovators Jake Levine and Lauren Leto, there are officially more than Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover. For just $0.99, BreakupText will do the dirty work for you, composing an "it’s over" message and delivering it straight to your (ex-)lover’s cell.
You get to customize your break-up by selecting from a drop-down menu describing the state of the relationship (“It never got too serious”/ “It was pretty serious”) and your motivation for cutting it off (“I’m just not interested anymore”/“I’ve found someone else”/“I’ve been eaten by a bear”).
The system then uses your info to craft masterpieces of sensitivity. For example:
"The time we spent together was awesome. You're funny and pretty and you deserve a great guy. Unfortunately, I cant be that guy for you. Remember when you asked what I was doing this weekend and I acted kinda weird? It's because I was going hunting with some of my friends and I didn't know how you felt about hunting, you seem like the kind of sweet girl who loves animals. Anyways, I don't know how I feel about hunting anymore either. I kinda got myself in a bad situation while out camping. I guess you could say I'm in the belly of the beast. The bear to be exact. I got eaten by a bear. It's not too bad, just dark. Pretty quiet. Oh and my cell phone battery is going to die soon so don't text back. Good luck with life!"
"There's plenty of fish in the sea, huh? I know it's a cliche but there's truth in it. You never know who is coming up around the bend. See, after the last time we met up, I ran into my college professor. She was my favorite, just the smartest woman you've ever heard talk about the history of the French revolution. Anyways, it turns out she recently divorced, her husband left her for a library sciences professor. Long story short, we're in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish."
"I know you expected to make it to our next anniversary. Maybe beyond, who knows? There was that one night we named our maybe-babies. That was cute. You're cute. But it's over between us. We've drifted apart. It's not just your impotency, it really isn't. And no, this isn't about that guy at work. It's us. Ever hear the song Cape Canaveral by Conor Oberst? Of course you haven't, that was one of our issues. Anyways, we're like that. A poltergeist love. And I need an exorcism."
It seems like developers are finally realizing that social media doesn’t have to be about staying in touch or making new friends: There’s a total market for helping people be jerks, too.