NY Senate Just Made Yogurt Its State Snack, And Here Are 5 Better Ways They Could've Spent Those 44 Minutes
The Big Apple is abandoning fruit for dairy, and New York Senate has made yogurt the official state snack of the state. Thanks to separation of church and state, the United States will never have an official religion, and English will likely never become the official language of the land — but there's nothing stopping us from celebrating our love to eat. And on Tuesday, the New York Senate decided to celebrate yogurt. In a 44-minute debate, representatives from across New York came together to discuss the important issue of what to grab when the three o'clock munchies hit.
And while you may think that politicians are rarely looking out for you, these New York senators made it very apparent that thoughtfulness was not a virtue they lacked. The issue of yogurt was hotly contested by those who worried that lactose-intolerant residents of the state might be excluded from partaking in the milk-based product (though there are soy and coconut varieties!), and others questioned the legitimacy of yogurt's categorization as a "snack," seeing as it can also be eaten in the morning at breakfast. And we all know that if you start eating breakfast food at non-breakfast hours, the apocalypse is near.
Still others worried about the fragile feelings of the state muffin, the apple muffin, which might be under-appreciated now that a state snack has been introduced. And of course, there were the naysayers who offered different suggestions for the coveted title, including different kinds of candy and fruit.
Despite these obstacles, yogurt prevailed, and in a 52 to 8 vote, the New York Senate approved yogurt as the official state snack. Of course, as School House Rock has told us, the path for a bill to become a law is long and fraught with many detours and roadblocks, but with the help of the yogurt saints, the State Assembly will smile upon yogurt and truly make it the snack of New York.
And in the most heartwarming twist of the story, the bill was actually proposed by a fourth-grade class. Who says the government is an oligarchy? Sen. Michael H. Ranzenhofer, the bill's sponsor, called the move "democracy in action." And while it may be a small victory, for the yogurt-loving fourth graders, it is a victory all the same.
Of course, in 44 minutes, there could be a lot of other progress made in the United States' Senate. Off the top of our heads, here are just a few things that the Senate could agree on over the course of three quarters of an hour.
1. Joe Biden needs to get his winking under control
Seriously, Mr. Biden, we love you and your new Instagram account, but that wink-and-point routine of yours is throwing us for a loop. The Senate could probably do without it at the next State of the Union address.
2. Hillary is maybe probably most definitely going to run for President
To be fair, the Senate has probably already agreed upon this, but it would be great for the former senator herself to come out and just say it already. The suspense is just getting silly.
3. Suing the government probably won't work out in Rand Paul's favor.
Although 300,000 Americans have already signed up to join the suit when it is officially filed, that doesn't make presidential hopeful Rand Paul's plan to sue President Obama and the NSA over its surveillance of American citizens his best idea.
Take it from Greg Abbott, Wendy Davis' opponent in the Texas gubernatorial race, who says he has sued the Obama administration 25 times, to no avail.
4. Clive Bundy is a racist.
5. People should stop comparing people and things to Hitler and the Holocaust.
Here's looking at you, Stacey Campfield, and everyone else who seems intent on drawing horrible parallels and denigrating the suffering of an entire people during one of the worst times in human history. Seriously, stop. It's rude, it's offensive, and it's stupid.