'Reign': If French Court Had a Yearbook, the Superlatives Would Be So Depressing
Oy. Reign had its season finale on Thursday and it definitely didn't take pains to give anyone a happy ending. In fact, "Slaughter of Innocence" pretty much featured everyone's lives going to hell in the worst ways possible. Reign held nothing back, but it will be fascinating to watch everyone rise from the ashes of season one when it returns in the fall. I've spent the better part of the season comparing Reign 's French court to a Mean Girls -esque high school, but it looks like the lords and ladies might be graduating to darker things next season (though I certainly hope they aren't). If this is their senior year swan song before sh*t gets real in the Real World, they deserve a proper yearbook sendoff. Thus, I present you: Reign yearbook superlatives. Warning: They have the most depressing yearbook ever.
Most Changed: Mary
Reign had one goal above all others in its finale: to make sure viewers knew that Mary had changed. And was changing. And would continue to change more. At the beginning of the series, she's almost naive and definitely a romantic. She believes in good and truth and honesty and loyalty and all the other positive nouns. By the end of the season, she feels her heart hardening and becoming colder. She's ordered assassinations. She was involved in the plot to kill Henry. Marriage has ruined her sex life. The real problems and responsibilities of being a queen and a ruler are taking over and turning her into someone she doesn't like, and that no one else really likes either. Here's hoping she finds a better balance in season two.
Most Likely to Secede: Francis
Francis is feeling pretty jaded with the whole "royalty" thing and he's reached his limit when it comes to Mary turning into his mother. The season ends with Mary and Francis promising to tell each other the truth, forgive each other for their lies and crimes and to rule with their hearts. When Francis does exactly this, Mary literally locks him out of the kingdom as punishment for trying to save Lola (and his unborn child) from a town that's been hit by the plague. Yikes.
Most Milquetoast: Bash
For the love of God, get a real personality. Please. Just be the smart, playful, witty one like you almost were in the beginning. Please.
Most Manipulative: Kenna
Sometimes, I'm not even sure she realizes she's doing it, but then I remember that she definitely is. It was this or "Biggest Flirt."
Sweetest Homewrecker: Lola
Lola's one night stand with Mary's ex, but then not ex, Francis, resulted in a pregnancy that has been nothing but trouble for everyone involved. If she and the baby survive childbirth, she might come between Mary and Francis in a big way (although, to quote Jess from When Harry Met Sally: "Marriages do not break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.").
Cutest Couple: Greer and Leith
Greer and Leith (Leer? Grief?) are exactly the couple that would win this award when the ballots went around in September and then be oh-so-awkwardly broken up by the time yearbooks came out. Leith returns from war with a title, land and money, ready to woo Greer as his bride, but she sticks with Lord Castleroy because he's wealthier and she's still martyring herself for her family. Leith finally earned my respect though when, instead of getting sad, he's infuriated by Greer's rejection and vows to become everything she thinks she wants in a man and then never take her back. #TeamLeith
Best (Fake) Smile: Queen Catherine
Boy, can this lady grin and bear it. When Francis is on his death bed and asks her to treat his mistress as an equal after he's gone, she agrees with a smile. You'd almost believe it was sincere if you hadn't, you know, watched a single episode of the show before.
Aylee: #GoneTooSoon. We'll play "If I Die Young" and think of you always, girl.
King Henry: You were kind of (okay, very) crazy and terrorized everyone, but by the end, we were actually a little sad to see you go. RIP, Mr. H.
Image: The CW