24 Things Beyonce Will Never, Ever Let Us Know
Now that the dust from Elevatorgate has settled a bit, we can now properly sort out the abundance of speculation pieces, cryptic tweets, and conjectures about what happened in that elevator between Solange, Jay Z, and Beyonce that caused Solange to physically lash out at Jay. Right now, all we really know is that, well, we don't know anything, really. Nothing. Theories abound, but the only thing we can really conclude is that we'll probably never know much else about the elevator situation, or about Beyonce.
The elevator video was shocking because it gave us an unexpected view into Beyonce's world. "Real" Beyonce footage like this is hard to come by, which is why she shall forever remain flawless in our minds and hearts, flashing a smile at the cameras after her sister kicked her husband in the nuts like nothing ever happened.
We most likely won't ever know more about Queen B. than what she posts on her Instagram feed, and we've accepted it, but the video controversy has stirred up so many questions. A lot of questions, which will probably never be answered, such as:
1. Did she really wake up like this?
2. If so, is she human?
3. What does she eat (besides rainbows and diamonds)?
4. What does she smell like?
5. Why did she have her wedding tattoo removed?
6. Why did she really leave Destiny's Child?
7. Are Kelly and Michelle still mad at her?
8. Do we really have the same number of hours in the day as Beyonce does? Nope. Not possible.
9. Has she ever taken a bad photo (besides, of course, the one she allegedly tried to have removed from the Internet)?
10. How does it feel to be so good-looking?
11. Was Beyonce the weirdest kid ever?
12. How does she not age like the rest of the human population?
13. Does she bathe in artisanal spring water and the laughter of children to stay young?
14. Does she fart? Ever?
15. Is the Beygency real? (Yes.)
16. Does she sweat glitter and rose petals?
17. Does she cry Swarovski crystals?
18. Who watches Blue when her and Jay are out doing Beyonce and Jay things?
19. Does she watch TV? Ever?
20. Does she jam out to her own songs in the car, like "That's my song, bitches!"
21. Has she ever actually told someone to bow down in real life?
22. Has she always been perfect?
24. Is she mad at me for asking?