ABC has done their best to drill into our heads that our new Bachelorette Andi Dorfman is looking for the anti-Juan Pablo. Lucky for her, now that she's met all 25 of the suitors who will be competing for her heart this season, I can already tell that not a dude in the bunch gives me any JP-vibes whatsoever. Clearly, Season 10 is off to a wonderful start, not a Juanderful one, heh heh— and it's no secret that Andi herself is definitely going to give us a better season than Juan Pablo ever did on The Bachelor.
But Andi's in luck, because contestant Patrick has promised he's not Juan Pablo. No, seriously, his exact words: "I assure you, I'm nothing like the last guy you knew who played soccer." So what does being the anti-Juan Pablo mean, exactly? It means that Patrick won't:
- Use the phrase "It's okay" in any capacity.
- Make homophobic comments.
- Upset us all on a weekly basis.
- Avoid serious, possibly game-changing conversations.
- Forget to show any interest in Andi or her life or what she's passionate about.
- Piss ABC off enough that they shape their entire marketing campaign around their feud for future series.
I'm gonna hold you to that, Patrick! Now, I have to wonder: Can this season culminate in a soccer face-off between Patrick and Juan Pablo? Now there is something I'd love to see.
Even though he gets a lot of well deserved flack, let's not forget we have Juanny Pabs to thank for Andi's casting as The Bachelorette. So thanks, big guy — this piece of television perfection wouldn't be possible without you.