A Thigh Gap-Creating Laser Procedure Exists — Literally Everything is Wrong With This

Today in "I'm good, thanks" news: a clinic in Dallas,Texas is offering thigh gap therapy, a treatment that gives you a thigh gap where you previously did not have one. Um, I think I'll keep my whale legs that dare to rub against on another when I move, thank you very much.

Thigh gap therapy sounds about as unpleasant (and as sketchy) as you would expect. According to CBS, the procedure involves aiming a cold laser at the crotch until a thigh gap appears. Here's an actual explanation of the procedure:

Thrive offers a cold laser therapy called Zerona, which claims to contour the shape of the body, shrinking and flushing away fat cells even in the most inconspicuous of places. It is pain-free and requires no surgery. “When I first came in, they told me to spread’em, and then I was nervous,” Tara admitted. “It’s a nice alternative. I can’t feel a single thing.”
“Everybody has one part of your body that it’s really hard to get fat off of,” added Thrive owner Clint Herzog. “And that’s where Zerona comes in. The laser goes in and it basically emulsifies that outside layer of the fat, and allows it to exit out of your lymphatic system.”

Or you could, I don't know, not get dubiously effective laser therapy to manufacture a thigh gap? Look, we all have insecurities and I respect that. But a thigh gap does not indicate attractiveness or even thinness. Thigh gaps don't make you beautiful. So, as a culture, if we could stop obsessing about them that'd be cool.

Plus, Zerona is probably complete BS. As Lindy West at Jezebel puts it: "If you could shoot a fat person with a laser and make them thin, YOU'D KNOW ABOUT IT ALREADY."

If you're really feeling down about your gams one day, try some super-flattering yoga pants that make your legs look bangin' and cost significantly less than attempting to massage fat off your body with a fancy laser. Thanks but no thanks, Dallas clinic.