'The Bachelor', Bravo Shows & More of Our Favorite Reality TV Is Dying & We Won't Take It
Could we live in a world without reality TV? According to research results from Morgan Stanley, we just might have to. Apparently the number of scripted shows increased significantly over the past year, which could leave our TV lineups squeaky clean, devoid of fake fights and relationships, rose ceremonies and corny music competition shows.
An absence of reality shows could help reclaim the lives of the millions of people who waste precious hours of their existence devouring the latest reality TV scandal. But having one's life purpose suddenly snatched away seems cruel and unusual. Besides, who wants to live their own life anyway? Isn't that why we're so obsessed with watching these manufactured train wrecks? So many critical angles to ponder here. Like, what would happen to all those people who completely bomb American Idol auditions but become famous anyway? No reality TV would make a world of difference.
1. The first and most obvious difference in a world without reality TV would be the disappearance of pseudo celebs-- people like Tila Tequila and Speidi would stop becoming famous for doing nothing. Can you imagine that? I know... it sounds completely ridiculous.
2. No more crappy products from reality stars. That said, anyone who wants cosmetics and gaudy handbags from Gretchen Beaute should probably buy now. Gone would be the days of Alexis Couture, J. Woww's Perfect Tan Bikinis and the almighty Kardashian Kollection, plus the other billion products they push. I predict an all-out riot for anyone hoping to nab the last discount bottle of Skinnygirl from the local drugstore.
3. No more reunion catfight analysis. This... is unfathomable. Like, I can't even deal...
4. No more discussions on how to achieve world peace. If the fighting on reality TV ceased to exist, it could single-handedly become the biggest push for peace across the globe.
5. The national divorce rate would decrease. From Nick and Jessica to Linda and Hulk Hogan to Kate and Jon, we've all seen the reality TV curse destroy the marriages of couples who appeared to be fine until allowing cameras to broadcast their relationships to the masses.
6. By contrast, the unemployment rate would become a thing of the past. Like a thief in the night, reality TV steals ambition, sleep, socialization, brain cells, healthy eating habits and visible waistlines. Without it, everyone would be healthier, more productive, more intelligent and as a result, gainfully employed.
7. Unfortunately, the death of reality TV could spawn an increase among other more harmful vices, like drinking, smoking and gambling. 8. Botox stock would likely plummet, along with the credibility of all the other weird procedures reality stars undergo to maintain their looks.9. Andy Cohen would become an actual documented case of spontaneous combustion. In a fitting ironic twist, Bravo cameramen would capture the incident on film and fail to pitch it as a reality show, because reality TV would no longer exist.
10. No more reality TV catchphrases... You'd have to find another way to "step your game up," or tell someone "You're fired," "Make it work" and then ask them "will you accept this rose?" And what's a better way to assert yourself than asking "Who gon' check me, boo?" I don't have a catchphrase to convince reality TV to say. All I can say is please, don't die reality TV, pleeeease.
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