'Internal Bra' Surgery Claims to Give You Perpetually Perky Boobs

If you could make it so that you never had to wear a bra again, would you do it? If so, you might want to look into 'internal bra' plastic surgery, which promises to give you perpetually perky boobs, no matter how old you are — by installing a permanent bra under your skin. The idea kind of makes me go “yikes,” but maybe that’s because the thought of anyone slicing into my body for any reason also makes me go “yikes.” I guess at least it's not F-Cup Cookies.

According to the Independent, the procedure has been approved in the European Union, but is still under review in the U.S. It takes about 45 minutes to complete and involves surgeons inserting “silicone slings” — basically bra cups made out of silicone — under the breast tissue and anchoring them to the rib cage with titanium screws. So, no, you won’t have to put on some weird external contraption to keep your boobs up, but you will have to square with the idea that the thing holding your boobs up is literally screwed into your skeleton. The company that developed the procedure, Orbix Medical, says that internal bras both offer an alternative to breast reduction surgery with minimal scarring, as well as replacing the "unsustainable” results regular ol’ run-of-the-mill breast-lifts can have. Call me a skeptic, but...

Indeed, it's not without its risks (nothing ever is, right?). Speaking to the Daily Mail, Professor Kefah Mokbel of the London Breast Institute noted, “It will have a real impact, I think. But people should understand it is not a quick fix. We don’t know the long-term side effects. There is a need for clinical trials with adequate numbers and follow-ups to prove the efficacy and safety in the long term.” He went on to explain that the difference in where the silicone implants go is the main source of concern: “In a standard breast operation, the silicone implants are inserted behind the breast to minimize the risk,” he said. “These cups go under the skin, so the question is, do we know the long-term effect to women, will they develop scarring, and will the internal bra affect the shape of the breast in the long term?”

Although I’ll probably never be tempted to go under the knife myself, I do know that there are times when plastic surgery is necessary; if your breasts are giving you medical problems, by all means, do whatever you need to in order to stop those issues. What I can’t figure out, though, is whether these “silicone sling” things are for anything other than cosmetic purposes. Are saggy boobs really that bad a thing? I mean, it happens over time, so isn’t it just a part of the aging process? My instincts say no, they’re not really that much of a problem; then again, I’m small-breasted, so I don’t have first-hand experience with the myriad issues those with larger breasts can have. Anyone out there care to enlighten me?

If this whole internal bra thing sounds like a miracle to you, though, be sure to watch yourself. A quick Google search reveals a number of U.S. clinics (like fella with the top answer to this RealSelf query) that claim to have the procedure available, even though it hasn’t been approved for use over here yet. So, y’know… buyer beware and all that, especially when it comes to permanently implanting something in your body. In the meantime, there are loads of amazing bra options out there for fuller-figured ladies, so shop away!