Were you born in the eighties? If so, there's like a 40 percent chance your name is Jessica. (The other 60 percent goes to Jennifer and Ashley, Jessica's BFFs.) OK, so maybe that's a gross exaggeration, but chances are, if you're named Jessica, you grew up with a number of other Jessicas, graduated with a bunch of Jessicas, and went on to work or become casual acquaintances with several Jessicas.
Think of it like this: the popularity of the name Jessica kind of runs parallel to the popularity of John Hughes' movies. It reached its peak in the mid-eighties and rode the wave all the way to the very beginning of the nineties, where it didn't exactly flounder, but never quite reached the same heights again. (We're all the way down at #163 these days, you guys — I don't think we're coming back from that. Not with all the Bellas and Avas and Sophias out there, anyway.)
I won't bore you with exact figures, but, considering Jessica was the most popular baby name in America between 1985 and 1990, let's just say there are literally millions of women out there named Jessica.
Despite what numerologists and some very angry people on UrbanDictionary seem to think, we Jessicas are not all the same — but there are a few things we should all know about our name, if we don't already.
Your "Number" Is 21, and You're "Sociable" and "Charitable"
According to numerology, which is like astrology with numbers, Jessica is made up of a few ones, a five, a nine, and a three, all of which add up to 21. But what exactly do those numbers mean?
Supposedly, the ones mean you're a leader, the five signifies free-spirited and artistic creativity, the nine makes you a compassionate humanitarian, and the three adds a dash of humor and optimism. (I don't know about you, but of the complete list, I'm only about 3 for 18.)
which you'll need to channel when people Shorten Your Name to Jess or Jessie Without Even Thinking About It
Trust me — I tell you this from a place of personal annoyance. I prefer to go by Jess, reserving Jessica for when my mother is mad at me, and Jessie for when hell freezes over. If you're like me, you too have an iteration of Jessica that you prefer, and, inevitably, someone's going to ignore it (usually someone of the elderly persuasion) — in which case you have to figure out the best way to say, "Actually, it's [insert iteration here]..." without sounding like a dick.
You're also used to weird nicknames
I'm in my late twenties now, so everyone seems to be over calling me by anything other than my name. In high school and college, though, I had a number of nicknames, including bizarre ones like J-Kwan (not to be confused with J Kwon the " Tipsy" rapper) and less creative ones like Jessie G.
and If you go by jess, you are called "Jeff" on the phone sometimes
Usually the convo goes something like this:
Them: May I ask who I'm speaking with?You: JessThem: Jeff?You: ...Jess. With an "s".Them: Oh. Jeff?You: ...Yes?
of course, there are many Jessicas Who Embody The Qualities of "21"
Jessica St. Claire, for instance, is obviously hilarious, while New Girl's Jess is nothing if not a free spirit.
(sidenote: All Jessicas do this when we see a cute guy or girl, regardless of whether we have glasses)
Jessica Means "Foresight" in Hebrew, Which Basically Means We Can All See the Future
It's believed to be derived from the Latin Jesca, the Greek Ieskha, and the Hebrew Yiskah, but the first time the name Jessica appeared in literature was in William Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice, so it's hard to trace the exact etymology. In the play, Jessica is a wealthy Jewess who elopes with a *gasp* Christian guy — guess she's got some of that independence going for her.
This Is How you Spell Jessica in Sign Language
(I made this GIF, because I'm "artistic," just like numerology says.)
The first 13 definitions of Jessica on UrbanDictionary seem to be written by people with crushes on Jessicas
But After That, Everything Kind of Falls Apart
According to the very angry lilhomie23, a Jessica is "annoying as hell, and can't mind her own damn business." She "chews gum loud af while she talks" and "will stare at you for 5 minutes giving you the dirtiest look you have ever seen."
Another user anonymously thinks "Jessicas are all bitches. End of story." Harsh, bro, way harsh.
Ain't No Thang, Though, Because Hello, Jessica Rabbit
We've Also Got the Devastating Jessica Lange...
The Inimitable Jessica Walter...
the Elegant Jessica Chastain...
and um, have you seen how gorgeous we tend to be?
though this was mighty embarrassing
hey, at least we'll Always Be Able To Find Your Name on Random Tourist Souvenirs
Gotta love a Jessica.