'Orange Is the New Black' Season 2's Valentine's Day Episode Is a Doozy

Love is in the air in Litchfield as the ladies of Orange Is the New Black rally together to celebrate Valentine's Day. For some (okay, most) it's bitter. For some it's actually kind of sweet. I'll spare you the tl;dr version and get straight to the good stuff.

Piper: Healy says he'll consider Piper's furlough request to see her sick grandmother and asks her to check with Larry to confirm she'll be staying with him while on release, if it's approved. It's the kick in the pants she needs to finally contact Larry again after the breakup. He misses her. She misses him. Everything seems like it's headed in the make-up direction.

Then Larry comes to visit. And everything implodes.

Larry, who is still desperately trying to climb the journalistic ladder without actually doing any reporting or thinking, has decided to steal another journalist's idea to expose the money mismanagement at Litchfield. He needs Piper to do all of the actual reporting for him, of course, and she's naturally not keen on the idea. Piper calls Larry "the moon" — meaning he doesn't shine on his own. Larry latches onto the metaphor and calls her the sun — because anyone who gets close to her gets burned. Oy.

Between the cheating, manipulation and emotional immaturity, these crazy kids just can't seem to work things out.

Piper also receives a valentine from Alex, but she throws it away without opening it. I'm proud of her resolve, but dying to know what Alex had to say.

Larry: Speaking of Larry, he left his fight with Piper and immediately went Polly's to kiss her. Unfortunately, she's married and she's Piper's best friend and this is going to end in such a colossal train wreck.

Daya and Bennett: Litchfield's cutest secret couple/very bad idea are trying to be a normal couple, despite their circumstances. Being a pregnant inmate and with a guard-boyfriend who will be in a world of trouble if they're exposed is a little difficult. They've taken to trysts in the C.O.'s offices, which is the most dangerous thing they've done yet. Bennett is also being blackmailed by every Spanish-speaking inmate in the prison, which is going to blow up sooner than later; his false leg can only smuggle in so much. Are we supposed to feel bad for him? Are we supposed to be rooting for the Daya & Bennett relationship? Because I'm struggling with all of that.

Morello: A heart-to-heart with Crazy Eyes helps Morello finally admit to herself that her relationship with Christopher is over (which still isn't as accurate as "never happened," but it's a start). This might be the best romance revelation of the whole episode.

Nicky and Big Boo: They end their Sex Off in a tie, with 36 points each. It's not really love, but hey, sex is related to love.

Healy and Pennsatucky: No, it's not the weirdest OITNB relationship yet, but they do have a beautiful, Valentine's Day moment when they realize they're both being excluded from their respective social circles on purpose. It would be sadder if they weren't both so horrible.

Images: Netflix (2)