Kraft Just Recalled 3120 Velveeta Boxes From 12 States For The Most Absurd Reason

2014 has been a difficult year for Velveeta, and we're only halfway through it. In what we can only hope to be the zenith of Velveeta's 2014 woes, Kraft is recalling a ton of Velveeta from the Midwest. And why? Well, insufficient preservatives, that's why! 260 cases of the inadequately-preserved cheese had been shipped to as many as 12 midwestern states, including Wisconsin, America's largest cheese producer. Each case of the recalled Velveeta cheese contains 12 boxes, meaning that there are 3120 boxes of quick-to-spoil cheese floating around the Midwest. Yikes.

Poor Kraft has already faced a series of woes in the past six months. First, there was the impending cheese-pocalypse of January, in which Kraft crushed the Superbowl snacking dreams of many Americans by announcing a shortage of Velveeta cheese. Then, there was the bizarre social media campaign that left everyone scratching their heads and saying, "Ummm...what?" to the Anderson Cooper lookalike and his photoshopped boxes of Velveeta.

Come on, Velveeta, pull it together! The cheese in question comes in 32-ounce containers, have a production timestamp between 8 and 5 p.m., and are meant to expire on December 17, 2014. However, due to dangerously low levels of sorbic acid, the cheese may spoil far sooner than the end of the year. And for those of us who like to buy and hold our Velveeta, we just can't have that happening.

Sorbic acid, the missing secret ingredient for Velveeta's longevity, is a common preservative used in a spectrum of common food items, including yogurt, jelly, and even wine. While Velveeta's ingredient list claims that the cheese "contains less than 2 percent" of sorbic acid, it is apparently a pretty critical 2 percent. As a preservative, it is meant to prevent mold and yeast from ruining these products, and can actually be found naturally in several varieties of plants. So at the very least, Velveeta isn't filling its liquid gold with yoga mat chemicals (hi, Subway) or flame retardants (hey, Coke).

But even so, Velveeta isn't exactly on a winning streak. In fact, Kraft has been forced to recall its famous cheesy product several times before. Earlier this year, nearly two million pounds of Velveeta Cheesy Skillets were yanked from the shelves following the discovery that these products had been mislabeled. This particular strain of Cheesy Skillets contained hydrolyzed soy protein and dried soy sauce, which are both known allergens. Children are particularly susceptible to soy allergies (and likely particularly fond of Cheesy Skillets), and as such, Kraft's failure to correctly label these boxes could have resulted in disaster, were the mistake not caught quickly.

Just last month, 1.2 million cases of Kraft's cottage cheese were pulled because they were not stored at "temperature standards," and last October, Kraft's Polly-O string cheese — yet another display of unnatural cheese — was recalled because they were likely to spoil or even change color before their best used by date.

There was also the 2011 Kraft recall of Velveeta Shells & Cheese Single Serve Microwaveable Cups, three varieties of which were suspected to contain small pieces of metal. Given that these cups were meant to be consumed after a blasting in the microwave, having "small, thin wire bristle pieces" mixed in with the mac 'n' cheese probably would have ruined a few microwaves, if not your love for microwaveable macaroni.

In Velveeta's defense, each of these recalls have affected different products, so at the very least, they don't seem to be making the exact same mistake twice. That being said, however, the frequency with which we must be warned to stay away from Velveeta is becoming a bit concerning.

In a news release, Kraft announced:

Consumers who purchased any of these products should not eat them. They should return them to the store where they purchased them for an exchange or full refund. Consumers also can contact Kraft Foods Consumer Relations at 1-800-310-3704 between 9 am and 6 pm (Eastern).

Scary, scary news for all of us who prefer to use Velveeta instead of the real thing on our nachos. So be warned: while Velveeta's silver fox may be encouraging us to make some Cheesy Chocolate Dip, its probably best to lay off the Velveeta for the time being.