I have had the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen classic "Gimme Pizza" stuck in my head for weeks at a time. I thought one of the most depressing moments of Breaking Bad was when a rage-fueled Walter White ruined a perfectly good pizza by throwing it on the roof. And, in college, I ordered one pizza a night for myself — on top of my nightly Chinese food delivery dinner. (And I now have a much smaller bank account because of all those orders.) So it's no surprise that I'm the prime demographic for the new Pizza Counter iOS app, which is, as the Daily Dot's EJ Dickson rightly describes it, "the apotheosis of Western civilization."
Let me explain: Thanks to a "golden ratio" calculated by its creator, Rick Mendes, the Pizza Counter is able to calculate the total number of pizzas you need for any occasion. Like, any occasion. That means Friday night parties, eating alone in your dorm room, family dinners, eating alone in your dorm room, work happy hours, or eating alone in your dorm room. Because you know how tough the math is — who these days has the time, energy, or soberness to divide everything by eight?
So you don't need me to tell you how amazing an innovation this is for anyone at a party with an iPhone in one hand and a bottle of Jack in the other. But you do need me to tell you that you can't purely rely on the Pizza Counter (which syncs up to Yelp, it should be added) to accurately judge just how much you need to order. Because as anyone who has ever been to any party anywhere — or anyone who has ever sat watching Rock of Love 2 alone in their dorm room — can tell you, you can never get enough pizza. (P-I-Z-Z-A!) So my word of advice for those of you using the Pizza Counter? Allow it to calculate just how much you need... and then add one pizza to that. Voila. Perfection. You have the perfect amount of pizza.
Image: Domino's; iTunes