This shouldn't come as too much of a surprise to you, but it doesn't take someone with Mozart's genetic design to write a pop song. Musical comedian Brett Domino (the comedic alter-ego of Rob J. Madin) has tapped into this common knowledge by creating a funny tutorial on how to write a hit pop song that drives that message home — yes, you fools, any a-hole can do it. Not only does this video zero in on the idea that our current top 40 hits are not written by The Great Lyricists And Composers of All Time, but it also serves as some inspiration — that is to say that it might inspire you to write your own pseudo-hit single! It's inspired me to do so. (The title-in-working is "Don't Do That on My Face" — but more on that later.)
Domino suggests that in order to produce a hit song, all you really need (besides love) is a hook that's related to something sexy, a catchy beat (see Jason Derulo for study-worthy examples), an odd instrument — hello, dear BASSOON! — and lyrics that may or may not make sense, but that follow suit with your subject matter. Following this logic, Domino ends up with a song about Jennifer Lawrence called "Sexy When You Do That." I followed his methodology and came up with the aforementioned "Don't Do That on My Face," which is about exactly what you think it's about, but with a thumping bass and a cool R&B hook, which will hopefully be sung by RiRi someday.
But remember: for every factory-made group like O-Town, and their sexy lyrical prowess (see: "Liquid Dreams"), we also get a Beyonce.
You can watch Domino's video below.