Why Pittsburgh Is Great: 27 Things Only We The Terrible Towel Wavers Can Understand
We might not brag about our city as often as New York or Chicago, but Pittsburgh is quickly making a name for itself anyway. Maybe soon I'll be able to say "I'm from Pittsburgh" without the inevitable, "Is that near Philly?" (For the record, no, it is not — nor is it anything like the City of Brotherly Love). Pittsburgh has a very distinct vibe: No frills, no nonsense, but good times abound. Basically, Pittsburgh is the station wagon of cities.
What that means, though, is that true natives of the Burgh don't grow up feeling entitled to anything; we'll work hard for that $1 Iron City special at the local bar. We never take anything for granted, and we learn to see the beauty in the most dreary of winter months. (And believe me, Pittsburgh can be pretty dreary — people actually forget what the sun looks like in the winter.) This may be a heavily industrial city with dilapidated factories scattered throughout our landscape, but our 446 bridges, three converging rivers, and triangle-shaped cityscape are nothing short of breathtaking for us.
Even though Pittsburgh is quickly becoming the go-to location for Hollywood movie productions, gaining glowing celebrity endorsements, and is home to a world-famous NFL team, very few people know what Pittsburgh is really all about. True natives, however — yinz will know what I'm talking about. You know you're a true Pittsburgh native when...
When You Order a Sandwich in Another City, You Put Your Fries Inside It, Primanti's Style
In fact, fries next to a sandwich just looks silly.
You Drink "Melk," "Pop," and "Arn City"
Your idea of craft beer is Yuengling.
When the Sun Comes Out in the Winter, You Know People Will Be Wearing Shorts
When spring comes around, people go outside in hordes and are so ecstatic it looks like an entire city is on drugs.
You Don't Think Twice About Eating Pierogies For Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
Because they just work so well for every meal!
You Have a Drawer Reserved for Your Inventory of Terrible Towels
You can never have too many Terrible Towels.
You Stock Up on Said Terrible Towels Whenever You Go "Food Shoppin'" at "Jine Iggle"
Next to the produce and cheese sections you'll find rows and rows of Terrible Towels.
You Bring a Terrible Towel on Vacation Just in Case You Come Across a Steelers Bar
Steeler nation is strong, and you'll find Steelers bars across the country, from Oregon to Alabama to Minnesota.
You Can Spell Roethlisberger's Name in Your Sleep
Even though you think he's kind of a doofus.
Wiz Khalifa's Song "Black and Yellow" Annoys You Because It's Supposed to Be "Black and Gold"
But I guess "black and yellow" is more fun to sing.
You've Referred to the University of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning as "God's Penis"
You Always Have a Craving For Eat'n Park Smiley Cookies
They somehow always taste like the best cookie you've ever had.
You've Saved a Parking Spot with a Chair
Parking's not even that hard to find in Pittsburgh, but people get creative anyway.
You Refuse to Eat Ketchup That Isn't Heinz
Do not mention Hunt's in the presence of a Pittsburgh native — unless you want them to gag.
Other Cities Make You Sad, Because When the Steelers Win the Super Bowl, we need SWAT Teams
Literally every single person in the city is outside.
Your School Had a Designated Kennywood Day, and It Was the Best Day of the Year
You know your city is great when the schools give kids the day off to go ride roller coasters.
You Know You Can Go Your Whole Life Without Riding the T
Some people who live in Pittsburgh don't even know we have a subway.
You're Confused by the Term "Bridge and Tunnel" Because Everyone Takes the Bridge and Tunnel
You pretty much have to either go through a tunnel or cross a bridge to get anywhere in Pittsburgh.
Hearing It Pronounced "Picksburgh" Won't Make You Flinch
In fact, that's probably as eloquent as Pittsburghese gets.
You Still Get Nostalgic For Kaufmann's
Before Macy's took over the retail world, Kaufmann's was where you'd go to ogle denim vests and bell bottoms in the junior's section.
You Think that the Gentrification of the South Side Was a Disgrace
and You Really Hope It Doesn't Happen to Lawrenceville Too
Keep Butler Street weird!
You've Never Really Heard His Music, but You Know You're a Donnie Iris Fan
Cuz he's Dawny Ahras!
Your Friends From Other Cities Are Shocked When You Make a Pittsburgh Left
You snooze, you lose, buddy.
When Someone Starts Singing "Century III Chevrolet..." You Join in
... Lebanon Church Road Pittsburgh. Minutes from the mall!"
$300 a Month For a Whole House sounds reasonable to you
You Understand Everything in this Video
"Yinz Wanna Go Dahntahn Get Summina Eat 'Fore the Stillers Game?" "How's Abaht We Pick Up Some Hoagies 'n Arn n'at and Go Watch in Mt. Warshington." "All Da Way Up Air? Road's Slippy. S'go to the Iggle on Murray and Stay Der or Whatever n'at, You Know?" "Don't Be a Jagoff."
And Most of All, You Know This Much
God, I love this town.
Images: Arvind Grover, Joe Loong, Andy Vernon, Tubedogg, Nicholas Eckhart, Brandon Shea, Jeffrey Beall, daveynin, Seth Anderson, Wendy Harman, Ian Norman, Jimmy Thomas/Flickr; Wikipedia; livemalls.blogspot.com