Forget His Sex Fetish Felony, Vote For Him!

Barring any massive unforeseen developments, a convicted felon Jordan Haskins poised to be Michigan's Republican nominee in the state's 95th State House District. Jordan Haskins has served prison terms in two states, can’t legally own a firearm and is currently on parole, but that’s not stopping him from seeking the GOP congressional nomination. And because he’s running unopposed, he’ll almost certainly get the nomination without any difficulty.

Most Haskins’ numerous convictions — destruction of property, unlawful use of a motor vehicle, trespassing — stem from a little-known sexual fetish known as “cranking.” Now 24, the teenage Haskins would break into vehicles he didn’t own, remove the spark plugs, and masturbate in the car while the engine was crackling and making noises, according to police reports.

“It was just the fun and the risk and the thrill,” Haskins told the Saginaw News when the charges surfaced. “I was in a messed-up state of mind mentally and emotionally when I did what I did... that’s the only way I can even explain it.”

In 2010, he was sentenced to 55 days in jail and given a year of probation for “cranking” in vehicles belonging to the local sheriff and the Saginaw County Mosquito Control. The next year, according to police reports, he jumped a chain link fence, broke into a truck, and masturbated while listening to the engine idling. For this, which was a violation of his parole, he was sentenced to one year and eight months in prison and given a $10,430 fine. All of this is in addition to the numerous jail terms he served in North Carolina prior to the Michigan offenses.

But now, Haskins has almost finished his parole, and claims his time in prison has woken him up to his passion for politics. He’s running on a platform of “true red-blooded American conservatism,” and one of the issues on which he’ll be campaigning is — no surprise here — reforming prisons to make it easier for convicted felons to integrate with society.

Alas, Haskins almost certainly won’t become an elected representative. The district he’s running in is heavily Democratic (which could be one reason the state Republican party doesn’t seem to mind his candidacy), and his opponent is expected to win in a landslide. Still, he’s not giving up on the dream.

"I've realized that my gift that I have is in government and politics," he said. "I've found my niche, my passion."