David Duchovny's Upcoming Book Is Really Not What You'd Expect, At All

Never did I think that I would be writing about David Duchovny penning a book about talking animals, but I guess that's the funny thing about life: Things change, and sometimes we find ourselves in situations we never would have imagined in the past. Californication is over, and as his follow-up project, David Duchovny wrote a book involving talking animals that he described to Rolling Stone as "a fable, like Animal Farm or Charlotte's Web; an allegorical story using animals for people," and to GQ as "a, I don’t know if I’d call it a novel...novella sounds weird. Who knows what a novella is? [...] It’s kind of a fable. I don’t know if it’s a kid’s book, I can’t describe it, but it stars animals. But it also has grown up philosophical and political themes." This is reality, and though I never expected it, I will take it in stride.

So, David Duchovny is channelling his inner Hank Moody, only without all the sex and all the punching, and with talking animals who understand grown-up themes about philosophy and politics." Cool! Oh, and it's called Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale ? Things just got even more random, but I'll take it.

So, what is the book actually going to be about? Thanks to Vulture , we've got our answer in the form of the book's first in-depth description:

Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a pretty happy one at that — her long, lazy days are spent eating, napping, and chatting with her best friend, Mallory. One night, Elsie and Mallory sneak out of their pasture; but while Mallory is interested in flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie finds herself drawn to the farmhouse. Through the window, she sees the farmer's family gathered around a bright Box God — and what the Box God reveals about something called an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie’s understanding of her world to its core.

Fun fact: The name Elsie is a derivative of "Elizabeth," which the name "Bessie" is also a derivative of. "Bessie" is also a common term for "cow." Elsie is a cow! It fits!

Anyway, onward with the plot:

There's only one solution: escape to a better, safer world. And so a motley crew is formed: Elsie; Jerry — excuse me, Shalom — a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's recently converted to Judaism; and Tom, a suave (in his own mind, at least) turkey who can’t fly, but who can work an iPhone with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.

A pig named Jerry that converted to Judaism, likely with the realization in mind that pork is not considered Kosher? OK, that's kind of amazing. But wait, there's more — apparently, Shalom ends up having something to do with uniting Israel and Palestine:

Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom — who does eventually learn to fly (sort of) — dispenses psychiatric advice in a fake German accent; and Shalom, rejected by his adopted people in Jerusalem, ends up unexpectedly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny’s charismatic creatures point the way toward a mutual understanding and acceptance that the world desperately needs.

I'm not even going to lie at this point, I will read this book when it comes out in February. It's a crazy concept, yes, but it does seem to be a pretty self-aware project (judging by its usage of irony in the description alone), and a less depressing version of Animal Farm...kind of.

Anyway, until it comes out — all there really is to do is bump this song, right? (You know I had to include this.)

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