This Time, It's Not His Eyebrows' Fault

We've reached the final stretch on The Bachelorette and that means it's time for the contestants to step up their game. Some folks reveal that they were secret admirers, others open up about the things that are tough to talk about, and some weirdos, like Bachelorette suitor Nick Viall, write kids stories about the "Magical Fantasy Suite".

On his fantasy date with Andi in the Dominican Republic, Nick was feeling dramatic. Throughout his time with Andi, literally frolicking on the beach, Nick flounders about. He's a mush-mouth and can't get his words out. Supposedly, he was nervous and perhaps that's because he knew he was about to ruin all of his romantic credit and show Andi a picture book he made about their relationship. Lord knows that was a Hail Mary pass.

But then Nick goes for it. He whips out a book that he supposedly wrote (on his word processor from 1998) with pictures he may or may not have drawn. The book calls Andi "Princess Andi" and counts down all the moments of their "magical journey" (Chris Harrison would approve of the vocabulary choice). And while he inexplicably read every single page (and Andi somehow actually enjoys it with a straight face and a genuine smile), I was almost charmed by the end because Andi was so happy about all of it. But then Nick got to the uncomfortable part.

There was one question Princess Andi apparently had left to answer: "Would she bring Nick to the Magical Fantasy Suite." [Insert tire screech here.] Hold up. When Nick first started reading this story, we could assume that his little sister gave him a hand or that it came from some adorable place, but something about placing the Fantasy Suite — notorious for sex, whether or not Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants actually use this opportunity to consummate their relationship. Suddenly this cheesy storybook move is also weird and completely uncomfortable.

This is the guy the other dudes thought was too calculating? Clearly, he's not calculating enough. Talking about the Fantasy Suite and calling it magical in a kids-style book you wrote and illustrated as a grown ass man? Total rookie move.

Image: ABC