What Would Celebs' Tinder Profiles Look Like?

Imagine this: You're sitting on the couch all by yourself in your lonely apartment on Friday night, sipping wine and wishing you had someone to cuddle with while you watch Pitch Perfect for the 11th time in a row, when all of a sudden you feel a buzz in your pocket. There, flashing across your screen is the ray of hope you've been waiting for: "IT'S A MATCH!" That's right, I'm talking about Tinder, the online dating app that has practically devoured Generation Selfie with its magnificent ability to directly cater to our vanity and short attention spans. With a simple swipe of your thumb you can send the potential axe-murderers packing or future soul mates an invitation for drinks.

Now think back to that scene on the couch. What if the person who you just got matched with happened to be a world famous singer? Or maybe a Hollywood heartthrob? I mean, celebrities need love too! Why wouldn't they use a dating app that could introduce them to thousands upon thousands of crazed fans who want nothing more than to latch on to their fame to use for monetary gain?

Oh. That's why.

Okay, so no, our favorite single celebs are most likely not going to be the ones you see while perusing the site, but a girl can dream! Below is what could have been (or still could be — Drake, call me!), if the world was in any kind of way fair.

Drake

About Drake (a.k.a. Aubrey - he's got to retain some kind of anonymity, right?!): "Do you dig guys who are honest? How 'bout guys who cry? Bring some Kleenex on our date and we'll see where it goes. Hmu."

Rita Ora

About Rita: "Blonde. Red Lipstick. I Will Never Let You Down (<--see what I did there?!)"

Jared Leto

About Jared: "Coachella Jesus. Nuff said."

Liam Hemsworth

About Liam: "Looking for a girl who won't swing a wrecking ball through my life."

Miley Cyrus

About Miley: "Really conservative girl against that whole 'twerking' thing! Message me if you think hanging out at youth group is fun!!! :)"

Cara Delevingne

About Cara: "Swipe right if u have an eyebrow feti$h"

Michael Cera

About Michael: "I'll show you my banana stand, if you show me yours. Wait! That's not what I meant. Is this coming off weird?"

Mindy Kaling

About Mindy: "Don't even bother being funnier than me. Like, literally, don't even try. Literally."

James Franco

About James: "only swipe right if you're 18 and older! i repeat: 18 AND OLDER! (anyone younger hmu on insta haha)"

Rihanna

About Rihanna: "i touch my matches, hold my matches, take selfies with my matches!!! i meeeeeaaan......what is YO tinder profile looking like bruh?"

Nick Jonas

About Nick: "abs of a god, voice of an angel lololol"

Kristen Stewart

About Kristen: "~*$pArKLy vAmPiiiR3s 0NLy*~"

Images: Drake, Rita Ora, Jared Leto, Liam Hemsworth, Miley Cyrus, Cara Delevingne, Mindy Kaling, James Franco, Nick Jonas/Instagram, Getty Images (3), @rihanna/Twitter