The Nickelodeon Slime Is Now Gold, So Forget Your Dreams, Kids
Hey, kids. Take your dreams of getting covered in green slime and roll them away with your innocence. If you watched the Kids' Choice Sports Awards — which is like the Kids' Choice Awards, only for sports — you know that David Beckham and his kids, Romeo and Cruz got slimed. But Vulture duly noted that this particular type of golden slime is new. So you grew up with dreams of getting doused in green next to the stars of yester-year like Danny Tamberelli and Josh Server? It's time to update those dreams to the modern day, friends. Slime is golden.
But do we have to? After all, golden slime seems so unattainable. It's very, "Your childhood dreams were the dreams of a late-'90s fool. Golden slime is the business class to your back-row coach seat. You need to be famous to get slimed now!" Green slime seemed so friendly, so touchable, so "these stars are just like us!" Gold slime puts people on a pedestal. And assuming green slime still exists, then let's be real here: We now have SLIME CLASSES. (Also, how is gold slime slime, y'know? Isn't slime all about it being slimy-looking? Gold slime looks like it's molten gold that will turn you into a solid gold figure as though you were King Midas.)
I know I'm waxing way too analytical about this whole golden slime thing, but, hey, like you all, I grew up with the green stuff. It's hard to let it go!
But anyhow, David Beckham got doused in golden liquid. He was Chosen By The Kids. Perhaps green slime will douse celebrities in the near future, creating slime equality for all once again, but until then, here is Beckham, drenched in gold.
So much gold. Seriously. What would Victoria Beckham say?