Jessie J, Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj's "Bang Bang" Is Really Addictive So Here's How to Deal With It
In case you haven't heard, "Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj not only leaked a day early on Monday, but has also officially been released on iTunes Tuesday morning. In early July, Jessie J revealed the collaborative track would combine with two of the hottest stars in the music industry right now and, since then, it's been more or less a mad dash to figure out what the song was going to sound like. Jessie J posted a snippet and Nicki Minaj later posted a snippet of her portion, but neither of those teasers compared to the song itself. "Bang Bang" pretty much explodes into your ears in a magical wonderland of musical goodness. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or unpoetic.
Now that "Bang Bang" is available for mass consumption, I assumed that people might need help handling the song. After all, if it weren't for the fact that we all have jobs and lives to get to, we'd probably all be sitting in front of our computers with "Bang Bang" on repeat until we know the whole thing by heart and it forms the soundtrack of whatever dream we end up having tonight. Before you get sucked into the "Bang Bang" craze and lose hours of your life to the song, here's a step-by-step guide as to how exactly to get away with listening to "Bang Bang" 24/7.
Step 1: Download the song on iTunes and transfer it to your iPod.
This is the natural first step anyway and, luckily, it's the most important one to get through your whole day with nothing but "Bang Bang" in your ears. You need to be able to take the song wherever you go, after all.
Step 2: Get noise cancellation headphones.
If it's not "Bang Bang", you don't need to hear it. I promise.
Step 3: Schedule mandatory twerking breaks.
Some people take lunch breaks. Some people take smoke breaks. That was all in the dark ages before "Bang Bang" came out. Now the only break you need to take is a break to twerk to the song for the seventeenth time.
Step 4: Memorize the lyrics so you can sing it in your head.
Sadly, it's kind of hard to get away with being in class or being in an office with headphones in your ears all day. If you want to be super covert, you're going to have to memorize the lyrics to "Bang Bang" so your brain can be an internal iPod. It won't sound as good as listening to the song, but it will carry you through.
Step 5: Pretend it's just an advertisement.
If your boss swings by and asks what all that noise coming from your computer is, act just as surprised as they are. "Noise, sir? What noise? Oh, that must be some pop-up ad. Let me stop typing the Robinson report and go looking through the many tabs I have open to get rid of that for you..."
Step 6: On second thought, get your boss hooked on it, too.
Naturally, by the time you go through those many tabs, your boss will be shaking what their mother gave them. In fact, they might declare the rest of the day a "Bang Bang" holiday so that everyone can go home and start going through these steps themselves. It could happen.
Step 7: Play it in your car.
If you don't have an iPod jack in your car by now, then what century are you living in? They make it for pretty much every kind of car. "Bang Bang" will carry you to work or class and it will carry you home from both again. No one listens to the radio anymore anyway.
Step 8: Set "Bang Bang" as your alarm.
If you want to ensure you wake up smooth and easy (and that "Bang Bang" is what starts your day) then you'd better set it as your alarm. And as your ringtone. And as your text alert. Just to be safe. Oh, what's that? Following all these steps made you sick of "Bang Bang" and now you want to listen to something else? You're welcome. The spell is broken and now you can be productive again.