The 8 Emotional Stages of Shopping For the Perfect Pair of Jeans, From "I'm So Excited" to "When Did My Butt Get So Big"
Setting out to shop for the perfect pair of jeans is perhaps one of the most daunting tasks any woman can be faced with. It's not easy; it is actually really, really difficult. There are so many things to consider when shopping for denim, especially jeans. Style, wash, fit, brand, and material are all factors that weigh heavily on the shoulders of women who seek that one perfect pair of jeans that are going to hug them in all the right places, while also appearing stylish and comfortable. The sheer madness of trying on multiple pairs of jeans is, for the lack of a better term, a struggle.
Now, that is not to say that shopping for your dream jeans isn't fun. I am sure there are a ton of success stories out there of people just like me who hunt for denim perfection, but I haven't heard them. Even those friends I have who swear by a specific brand or style still find loopholes in their denim shopping experience. The majority of those friends are sending their new jeans off to a tailor to get hemmed, or vow never to wash them for fear of the fit altering completely. Once you do find the pair that fit you flawlessly it most certainly feels as though you have won some type of lottery. The emotional stages in which you get to the finish line are dramatic to say the least. I have taken it upon myself to remind us all of the feelings we experience when seeking out the perfect pair of jeans, from "There must be a typo on this size" to "When did my butt get so big?"
1. THE "I'M SO EXCITED TO GO SHOPPING STAGE"
The first stage is always the easiest to get through. You realize your current favorite pairs of jeans is beginning to get worn out and the time has come to seek new options. You feel optimistic that you will easily be able to find a stylish pair that fits you perfectly, so you grab your purse and happily prance out the door to your local mall with hope in your eyes and desire in your heart.
2. THE "WHERE THE HELL DO I BEGIN?" STAGE
Ah, the first stage of stress on our emotional walk down denim lane. Getting to the mall is one thing, but choosing a store from within those glistening shop walls is quite another. This emotion can feel even more stressful if you have not shopped for denim in a long time. All of a sudden you lose your direction and cannot for the life of you think of where to begin your hunt. My best advice? Go through every single store until you can no longer bare the thought of browsing. After all, you don't want to miss any part of what is out there.
3. THE "WHEN DID ACID WASH BECOME A 'THING' AGAIN?" STAGE
Another highlight in shopping for jeans is discovering all the new trends that have made their way into denim's world. If you have not kept yourself in the loop, confusion can strike almost immediately. Like in the case of acid wash. You see it, you know it exists, but you just cannot understand why someone would want to wear them. What happened to simply dark or light? Why haven't I seen these ones before? How do I know what to pick? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CHOICES?
4. THE "THERE MUST BE A TYPO ON THIS SIZE" STAGE
First and foremost, it is very important to note that no two brands of denim are alike. All denim fits differently from store to store, and what may have fit you last year could end up being completely off for you this year. However, if you do not remind yourself of these things, bringing a size of jeans into the change room that do not fit you can be a traumatizing experience. You can't get them over your calves, your thighs, or your booty and it's rapidly turning you into a fashionable monster. After much pulling and jumping around the dressing room like an acrobat, you face the hard cold facts that these pair of jeans must have a sizing typo on that tag, or they just don't fit you. Either way, you are not too happy.
5. THE "WHEN DID MY BUTT GET SO BIG?" STAGE
Much like the above, denim has a way of either making your butt look phenomenal, or accentuating it in a way that makes you want to crawl under the table of jeans to cry. After you aggressively pull the jeans up and over your butt, you eagerly turn your gaze to the full-length mirror to admire your booty. Much to your dismay your butt looks about ten sizes bigger than it should. You start debating with yourself over whether it is just the terrible fluorescent lighting that is playing tricks on you, or if your butt is in fact gigantic and you just haven't noticed until now. Don't waste time on denim that doesn't make you love your booty, move on to the next pair until you find the perfect butt accompaniment.
6. THE "I HATE EVERYTHING!" STAGE
It's been well over two hours and you are still in denim hunting hell. You have gone to over seven stores and have tried so many pairs of jeans that the lines begin to blur on which ones fit you slightly well and which ones were simply a disaster. You want to run to the food court for some ice-cream reinforcements, but you fear one small lick of the cone will bloat you beyond recognizable belief and as a result will only make your hunt for the perfect pair that much more depressing.
7. THE "I'M GIVING IT ONE MORE SHOT" STAGE
After careful consideration, you have decided that one more lap round the mall is not going to kill you. You are convinced that the perfect pair of jeans is just sitting patiently in one of these stores waiting for you to scoop them up and love them to pieces. One more store you say, and then you are so out of there!
8. THE "YES! THE DENIM GODS HAVE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS" STAGE
FINALLY, after all of that scouring you have found one single pair of jeans that seem to have been made just for you. When you placed your legs into their designated spots you felt the gentle glide up your thighs with the perfect slide over your bum and up onto your hips. For a moment you thought you were dreaming, but when you turned toward the full-length mirror in the room full of terrible lighting and still looked amazing, you knew you had hit the jackpot. The jumping up and down was now due to utter happiness instead of a tactic to get the actual jeans onto your body. You peel those suckers off of your legs and hug them vigorously as one small tear of joy streams down your cheek. Your hunt is over, and you cannot wait to start some new adventures in your new favorite pair of jeans.