'Big Brother' Zach's Eviction Speech Was a Letdown, But He Had One Last Trick in Store

It's official. Say that with a Julie Chen voice in your head. The houseguests decided, and Zach was evicted from the Big Brother house. We all know this day had to come at some point, especially since for half the week, the houseguests have not only been strongly hinting but telling Zach to his face that they would be voting him out of the house. But what really was surprising about Thursday night's episode of Big Brother wasn't the eviction itself, but what happened right after.

In probably the most perfect of perfect send-offs in Big Brother history, as Julie announced that Zach was unanimously evicted from the house, Zach got up, grabbed one of those little sandwich baggies, and started sprinkling something over all of the houseguests. What was it, you ask? Fruit Loops. Yes, my friends. The man who brought us the term "Fruit Loop dingus" had enough left in him upon his defeat to leave us with one final and apropos Zach Attack. We're sure going to miss you, Zach.

I'm so glad that happened for many reasons, but mostly because Zach's pre-eviction speech was very underwhelming. Prior to the episode, it looked like Zach was planning something big for the live eviction show. Being the showman that he is, I was expecting something grand from Zach, especially since he never fails to entertain, whether he's trying or not.

Before the houseguests voted, Zach had a message for them all, but it was kind of ho-hum. He began by giving a shout out to his mom, dad, and little bro. Then, it began.

All right. Mom, Dad, Pizzle. I love you guys. Can't wait to see you. To you Fruit Loops, I say I hate you guys. That's not the case. I strongly dislike all of you, and I hate one of you. You all suck. I might not be walking out of here with 500K, but I'm leaving a winner. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. RanceyPants. R-A-N-C-E-Y-P-A-N-T-S. Julie, I'll see you shortly.

And in case you're wondering who among the houseguests was the person Zach hated? Zach "I need a pink woman's hat" Rance told Julie that it was Victoria because she stole his, er her, hat. Shocker.

What a snoozefest, amirite? No shouting, no weird arm movements, no made-up phrases that no one has ever heard in their lives. Just a few zings, and then he was out. Oh well. Hopefully, Zach will re-enter the house and there will be plenty of more Zach Attacks where that came from. If not, there's always Finale Night.

Image: CBS