2014 VMA Gift Bag Items Will Teach Stars to Mix Drinks & Tell Time: A Look at All the Swag

It's almost time for the 2014 Video Music Awards and there is a lot riding on this ceremony. Last year, we saw a new Miley Cyrus twerk with Robin Thicke. This year, the rumor is that Beyoncé will announce her divorce from Jay Z at the ceremony. While we wait for the event that could change the pop culture world (again), MTV has been kind enough to remind us all why it sucks not being famous. Performances and awards aside, the real incentive for stars to attend the VMAs is to get all the free stuff in the MTV Video Music Awards gift bag. Whether or not you're locking down millions of dollars a year, that doesn't change the fact that it's just plain stupid to turn away free stuff — especially expensive free stuff.

This year's swag bag contents are both educational and alcoholic in nature, along with a whole bunch of other random gift items that you'll probably already wish that someone would just hand to you. Take a deep breath, stamp down on your jealousy, and have a look at some of the stuff the nominees, presenters and performers will be going home with at the VMAs.

Brookstone Perfect Drink

According to the Brookstone website, this app allows you to choose from over 100 drinks and follow real-time visual instructions on what to pour and how much of it to pour to ensure you get a perfect mixed drink every time. So basically, every celebrity is going to go home with a professional bartender.

Image: Brookstone

gTar by Incident

The gTar is another iPhone app that can apparently help anyone learn to play the guitar. So if any celebrity Guitar Hero enthusiasts were thinking of making the jump to real music but were too lazy to actually go out and learn, now they don’t have to go anywhere.

Image: gTar

Swiss Legend Watches

Obviously they’re getting these so they can always remind you how valuable their time is. Get it?

Image: SwissLegend

SmartAss Board Game

Even celebrities have board game nights. Or, OK, even celebrities that are probably Taylor Swift or friends with Taylor Swift have board game nights.

Image: Target

Williams-Sonoma Open Kitchen Tumblrs

This set of six can hold everything from juice to those cocktails the Perfect Drink App taught them how to make. In fact, that’s probably exactly what they’re for.

Image: WilliamsSonoma

Lipault Paris 24" Satchel

Now every celebrity at the VMAs can avoid being forced to fly first class on a private plane to a tropical island with a carry-on that’s 2 years old. Goodness, can you imagine the scandal?

Image: Amazon

Rolf Bleu Slouch Beanie

Why have a bad hair day when you can have a slouch beanie?

Image: RolfBleu

Brevity Necklace

I assume that the celebrities who live in other parts of the country (like say, New York) have the option of getting a necklace with that state name on it. Then again, no New Yorker would be caught wearing the words New York anywhere on their clothes.

Image: BrevityJewelry

Luci Aura Light by MPowerd

These lights not only come in multiple colors but they’re not even available to the general public. Free swag that’s not even out yet? I think we’re all in the wrong careers.

Image: MPowerd

Botran Rum

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking the only ones left sober in the second half of the VMAs will be the performers and the hosts. And even that’s a big maybe.

Image: BotranRums

SoCal Hot Yoga Studio Membership

Celebrities are people, too, so these memberships will probably gather dust in the back of the closet until roughly the first month of every year when they’re pretending they’re going to commit to their New Year’s resolutions.

Image: SoCalHotYoga

Sisters of Los Angeles Freeway Shot Glasses

Hm. Shot glasses, tumblrs, the Perfect Drink app and rum? Raise your hand if you officially need an invite to the VMAs after party.

Image: SistersofLosAngeles

MOBOT Bottle

Even their water bottles are fancier than yours.

Image: MobotNation

House of CB Dresses

It’s like having a personal shopper. I’m not sure what the guys will be getting instead. Then again, who’s to say they can’t find some use for these?

Image: HouseofCB

Wildfox Couture Cami Set & Eye Mask

The sleep mask will come in handy when they want to have sweet dreams later that night. Or, you know, during the awards show.

Image: RevolveClothing