How to Deal With Bey & Jay NOT Getting Divorced

by Kadeen Griffiths

Let the countdown to the 2014 Video Music Awards begin. And, no, not just because the list of VMAs performers keeps getting better and better. No, the real reason that people are so excited for the VMAs is because it's rumored to be when Beyoncé will announce her divorce from Jay Z. Well, excitement might be the wrong word for how people feel about that, but the fact of the matter is that after the VMAs, the reigning era of Queen Bey and Jay Z might be over once and for all. Get your Kleenex ready. However, the one thing that people don't seem to be bracing themselves for is the very real possibility that the media is blowing a lot of hot air on the Bey and Jay divorce thing. I mean, we're all bracing ourselves, but what are we supposed to do if Beyoncé and Jay Z aren't getting a divorce?

I know, I know. Those kinds of questions sound like the words of a delusional Beyoncé stan who refuses to accept this new reality. To be completely honest, that's completely fair because that's exactly what I am. However, in the event that I turn out to be right and everyone else turns out to be wrong, everyone should at least consider bracing themselves for Beyoncé and Jay Z NOT getting a divorce. Brace yourselves for the idea that Bey and Jay might still be Crazy Drunk in Love. Brace yourselves for the idea that Gwyneth Paltrow and Beyoncé aren't about to become best divorcée buddies. Brace yourself for a Beyoncé reign that just won't let up.

So when the 2014 Video Music Awards come around, here are the stages of dealing with Beyoncé and Jay Z not getting a divorce.

1. Shock

"Beyoncé and Jay Z are Crazy in Love? Beyoncé's not a Single Lady? Beyoncé's not rolling up the Partition between her and Jay Z? I'm going to have to stop making these jokes? Impossible.


2. Rationalization

"She's just playing coy. This is just a live action version of all her Instagram photos. Maybe they're going to do the joint statement thing after all. Yeah. I'll just keep waiting. It's going to happen."

3. Boredom

4. Guilt

"I have 1,001 blog posts talking about Beyoncé and Jay Z's divorce and how it's totally going to happen. Maybe I should just... delete some of those... or the whole blog..."

5. Hopefulness

"If Beyoncé and Jay Z can make it, maybe there's hope for celebrity relationships after all. They made it through Elevatorgate. They can make it through anything. They are the King and Queen!"

6. Acceptance

"Beyoncé and Jay Z are the '03 Bonnie and Clyde, the '14 Bonnie and Clyde, the forever and always Bonnie and Clyde. Never shall I listen to vicious rumors ever again."

7. Excitement

"So... when's the next joint tour, you guys?"

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