My waxing salon always sends me a friendly little reminder email two days before my Brazilian bikini wax appointment. Once that little message hits my inbox, I immediately groan and emit an "Ugh." The Brazilian bikini wax is both painful and wonderful and it is a procedure that, at this point in my life, I'm used to. Waxing "down there" is a personal lifestyle choice and while I am always beyond happy with the end result, it still stirs up plenty of emotions within me. The actual waxing isn't as physically uncomfortable as it seems or sounds, since I have a high tolerance for pain. But if you are super sensitive, there are ways to make a bikini wax less painful. But it's the mental stages of getting there that I continue to struggle with, not the actual ouch factor.
Some women find bikini waxing to be complicated, but I willingly choose to indulge in the process, despite the sting and accompanying neuroses.
I get slightly grumpy when I know I have the appointment coming up. I go every six-to-eight weeks without fail and have been getting Brazilian bikini waxes since the '00s. I have gone to J Sisters, the famed Brazilian bikini waxers in uptown Manhattan who pretty much have you position your ankles behind your ears since they get all up in there.
I have traveled the sugar waxing route at various salons in NYC, which involves an exfoliating rolled ball of sugar wax, so yay for the added smoothing benefit of this method. Plus, it doesn't require the paper strips to be yanked off your skin, so the pain is decidedly less.
I actually navigate a myriad of emotions before my wax, from dread to feeling inconvenienced to looking forward to the end result to being utterly thrilled with how I look and feel after, especially if things are all sorts of romantical in my life, if you are picking up what I am putting down.
But this, this is what I (and all you other waxing ladies) go through.
1. The "Procrastination And Bartering With Myself" Stage
My first thought is always, "Can I bump it a week?" Then I ask, "Is there enough growth to warrant the procedure?" Yes, years of routine bikini waxing has indeed resulted in less regrowth, so "Huzzah!" on that. Even though I am used to the discomfort — I find eyebrow and upper lip waxing to be way more ouch-inducing — the whole process is pretty, well, invasive. I ask myself if I can hold off or not, but then I remember how annoyed the little bit of regrowth makes me and I usually decide to just go through with it and keep the appointment.
2. The "Physical Preparation" Stage
About two hours before my appointment, I have to prepare in somewhat physical ways. I have to remember to take an Ibuprofen, which is sometimes recommended to help minimize the future pain. I also have to remember not to drink caffeine, since I've been told by various waxers that the stimulants can make skin sensitive. I am a tea person, so I just make sure to consume any caffeinated bevvies post-wax.
3. The "Panicky, Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness" Stage
Because it's my most sacred area about to be waxed, I always change into a fresh pair of panties and do a quick "baby wipe shower." I want to be fresh, even though I've been getting waxed by Jade for years and she is familiar with my cleanliness. I get especially panicky in the summer, for obvious swamp ass-related reasons.
4. The "Small Talk And Mindless Chatter" Stage
Once I am on the table, I make small talk with Jade. We talk clients (mine), weekend plans, my dog, and anything else to get my mind off the removal of hair that is now inevitable. At this point, it's just an intense sting, and not agonizing, really, but I still flinch and wince as a matter of anticipation. Engaging in mindless chatter helps me get through it.
5. The "OMG, It Wasn't That Bad" Stage
After we're done and complete the clean up phase — baby powder, in-grown hair prevention lotion, and the trimming of strays — I get dressed and think, "Okay, so that wasn't so bad. I feel so groomed and fresh now. Ahh, it's O-V-E-R." It's the relief stage of sorts, since it's in the rear view and I won't be back for another six-to-eight weeks.
6. The "That Was Totally Worth It" Stage
For a variety of reasons, I walk out thinking it was totally worth the emotional roller coaster, one that I got on voluntarily, even choosing to sit in the front seat, was absolutely worth all the mental neuroses I went through to get there. As I've stated, the stress of a Brazilian bikini wax is more of a mental than physical thing for me. I have to go through these stages, and I totally accept it.
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