As a woman in her mid-30s, I'm happy to report that I'm currently having the best sex of my life. Yes, my husband is banging in bed, but even when I was a 30-something single girl looking to get some, I was still having far better sex than I ever had in my 20s. As someone who fears getting older more than anything else in the world, better sex is, indeed, a lovely perk. (I feel it somehow makes up for the occasional grey hair I find on my head and that permanent wrinkle I now have between my eyebrows.)
When you’re in 20s, you think you’re having awesome sex — and you are, for that point in your life. But when you get into your 30s, you know your body even more, you have a better grasp of what you like and don’t like. Your body confidence tends to be far different (and hopefully better) than it is in your 20s. You’ve learned to accept things about yourself, both the good and bad, and it’s really great. It’s freeing, and that means you're free to enjoy sex more.
There are lots of ways (in my experience) that sex in your 20s and sex in your 30s is different. Here are seven situations, and how you can expect to respond in each decade.
A GUY TELLS YOU TO SIT ON HIS FACE
20s: You go ahead and do it
It seems a little tricky, balance wise, but why not? But how the hell is he supposed to breathe? Ah, well, you just go for it. Besides, it's going to be a great workout for your core.
30s: You tell him he’s wasting his time
If he wants to suffocate to death that way, he has the wrong vagina. You're an open-minded woman and totally down for anything, but you don’t really need a manslaughter charge on your record. All that disorderly conduct and drinking at the beach while you were in your 20s is enough. Best to stick to the cunnilingus position that works for you.
YOU HAVE AN ORGASM WITH A ONE-NIGHT STAND. YOU ARE…
It’s always shocking when the guy you take home from the bar, after a night of doing picklebacks, is able to figure out where your clitoris is. In fact, it's almost become a game with your one-night stands to see if they can find it before you both pass out.
30s: Not impressed
Let’s be honest, you’ve mastered your vagina, so you're coming no matter what. Now if only you could kiss and cuddle yourself, you wouldn't need one-night stands at all.
A GUY SUGGESTS ANAL
20s: You call up every single one of your friends to discuss the ramifications
After much weighing of the pros and cons, you decide you’ll give it a try, as long as there’s a lot of lube involved and he goes really, really, slow and gentle. You also would like to request that after you go through with it, he'll never, ever bring it up again. You're not about to become Anal Girl.
30s: You plainly recite your anal policy
You’ve been there, done that, and are not in the mood to feel like you’re taking a shit when you just had a perfectly great bowel movement, thank you very much. But if he needs something tighter than your vagina, you're more than willing to offer up the end of your vacuum cleaner. Or, if you're into it, you know just the lube.
A GUY GOES DOWN ON YOU AND LAPS AT YOUR VAGINA WITHOUT A CLUE
20s: You just go with it
You also moan, while begging him not to stop. Hey, it's the thought that counts, right?
30s: You don’t fake a damn thing
You proceed to explain where your clit is and how oral works. Do we need to get a diagram up in here? Fine. You'll go get the diagram from under the bed.
YOUR THOUGHTS ON BLOWJOBS ARE…
You almost feel like you have to do it to reciprocate for him going down on you, but at the same time, you have that gag reflex that results in the always-sexy coughing and gagging thing, so … well, OK. You’ll do it for a few minutes.
30s: Again, There are rules
It will not happen during a one-night stand. It will not happen right after you’ve eaten. It will not happen unless he’s showered. It will not happen unless you’re pretty sure, you’re kinda, sort of, pretty much, almost in love. He will not, under any circumstances, be coming in your mouth. Them’s the rules.
YOUR PARTNER STARTS TALKING DIRTY
20s: You giggle
I mean, you can think dirty thoughts, but saying them out loud? You'd love if he'd just stop, because at some point your muffled giggle is going to become a very loud and boisterous laugh.
30s: You totally go for it
You literally have zero problem with expressing exactly where you want him to put his cock and how deep and how rough, and you really wish you knew this in your 20s, because, man, dirty talk is beyond hot. So hot.
THE DEFINITION OF FOREPLAY IS...
20s: The few minutes before you have sex
You're barely into a whole minute of kissing before the guy is reaching up under your skirt and the clothes start coming off. Then within 10 minutes of the first kiss, it's all over, right?
30: A mandatory 30-minute appetizer
You will not have sex unless some serious time and effort have been put into the foreplay. You want a proper make-out session, you want your lingerie admired, you want him to pay attention to every inch of your skin and build up to the the entree of the evening. If he can't indulge in at least 30 minutes of foreplay, then the dude just isn't worth your time.
Good luck out there, and remember: It gets better.