The Trying Emotional Stages Of Wearing Falsies

by Miki Hayes

My eyelashes are alright. They're pretty long, but super straight. If I want to look like I have any, I have to curl my eyelashes. So I do. Everyday. I've always kind of eyed (heh heh) falsies when I'm shopping at places like Ulta and the like, but I've never really felt like wearing them was something that I'd do. Of course I love the look, and consider converting to a lashie (let's pretend that's a word) whenever I see my favorite YouTube beauty gurus wearing them. But honestly, the main thing that's always scared me away is a rumor I've heard about them: false lashes are addicting.

I'm addicted to enough in the beauty world as it is. I didn't think I could couple the feeling of needing every new eyeshadow palette on the market with the feeling of constantly having to have a stash of falsies at the ready. But my curiosity got the better of me. I skipped over to my local Ulta and picked up four different types (all in the relatively natural-looking family), which is probably the worst way to prematurely battle falsies-addiction. They sat on my desk for weeks, though, staring at me and daring me to wear them.

Well I finally found an excuse to bust them out this past weekend (because I felt like I needed an excuse), and these are the 10 emotional stages I went through wearing false eyelashes for the first time.

1. The "Am I Really Going To Do This?" Stage

I took the eyelashes out of the package and stared at them for, like, 10 minutes of indecision.

2. The "Hell Yeah, I'm Doing This" Stage

Until I had an "I am woman!" moment and applied the glue.

3. The "I Have No Idea What I'm Doing" Stage

So I leave the glue on for 30-40 seconds? Closer to 30 or 40? Do I apply them with tweezers? Fingers? #Helpme

4. The "Woah Is That Still My Face?" Stage

With one eye done and one not, I had a very A Clockwork Orange moment.

5. The "I'm Hyper-Aware That This Stuff Is Glued To My Eyes" Stage

l felt like I couldn't blink properly for about an hour. By the end of the night, though, I didn't even notice them. Kind of like the first time wearing contacts.

6. The "Repeatedly-Checking-Myself-Out-In-The-Mirror" Stage

After getting over the initial shock of having something foreign on my face, I got a surge of self-confidence.

7. The "OMG Other People Can Totally Tell I'm Wearing Falsies" Stage

But as soon as I went out, I was suddenly very aware that anyone and everyone could tell that I was wearing false lashes. The self-consciousness overtook the confidence.

8. The "Why Don't My Friends Notice I'm Wearing Falsies?" Stage

But then not a single one of the people who know what I look like without falsies seemed to notice that my lashes were twice as big.

9. The "Sweet, People Think These Are My Natural Lashes" Stage

And the confidence came back. Why yes, of course these are natural, darling.

10. The "Do I Really Have To Take These Off?" Stage

I'm pleased to announce that I don't think I'm addicted, but I will definitely be wearing falsies again. And I learned that false lashes are like rocking out in the car: Nobody else is really paying that much attention to you anyway, so just do you.

Images: Giphy (10)