The Apple Watch: What You're Secretly Thinking

OK, so yes, I may have created a list of things you probably won’t have to do anymore once you get an Apple Watch, because that tiny little piece of wearable tech will do them for you… but I’ll be honest: I’m actually a little underwhelmed by the whole concept. Luckily, though, I’m not alone — and even better, YouTube comedian Jacksfilms’ latest video goes right out says everything I’m secretly thinking about the Apple Watch. If you, too, found yourself unimpressed — this one’s for you.

Following Apple’s signature pared-down aesthetic, the video features a talking head against a white background — but that’s where the similarities end. Rather than extolling the virtues of the device, it points out the fact that at the end of the day, the Apple Watch actually isn’t a terribly practical piece of equipment. Why? First, it also comes loaded with a lot of features you probably won’t need (heartbeat sharing? Really?); and furthermore, it will likely make features you already know and love a lot more difficult to deal with. Good luck watching a YouTube video on a one-inch screen, or navigating your way out of a tight spot with a teeny, tiny map. Oh, and as far as pictures go? Dick pics are going to be more off-putting than ever, due to the fact that someone sends you one, it’ll show up on your wrist for all to see. (Side note: Stop sending unsolicited dick pics, people. Seriously. Not cool.)

Of course, though, the most important issue the video address is this: Why the eff isn’t it called the iWatch? I mean, you can’t just spend years setting up a pattern like that, only to suddenly yank the rug out from underneath us! Humans are fragile creatures! We can’t deal with sudden and unexplained change! Why would you do that to us, Apple? It’s just so… cruel!

I’ll admit that it’s pretty amazing that we can now make computers so small that we can fit them in a wristwatch. But Jacksfilms? Thanks for hitting the nail on the head with this one. You’re my hero.