Is Harry Styles Jewish? 'The Jewish Chronicle' Makes It Seem Like He Is ... But Wait, There's More

For the record, "Styles" is not a Jewish last name — nor should Jewish teens start telling their guilt-inducing mothers that they can marry Harry Styles because he is a newspaper-approved powerful Jew. Crushable has pointed us to the fact that The Jewish Chronicle, a U.K. newspaper, has put Harry Styles on a list of powerful Jews. Fun fact: The One Direction frontman is not Jewish. And no, no one has yet to confirm whether or not he has been circumcised.

Now, despite the fact that I will openly admit that I am a Hebrew School drop out, I did become a bat mitzvah (peak childhood moment!) and my last name is Schlossberg. It's no secret: I'm Jewish. Am I a great Jew? No, I like bacon, but I'm Jewish enough to say that it's pretty odd for a Jewish newspaper to condone a non-Jewish celebrity for being an A-plus Jew. That's like saying a Jewish person is a phenomenal Christian because she gets excited by red Starbucks cups and knows most of the words to Jesus Christ Superstar. (By those standards, I am.) So what's the Chronicle's argument for placing Styles on this list, then? The  Chronicle actually admitted that it knew that Styles was not a matzah-consuming, menorah-lighting boy, as it wrote:

So essentially, Styles is serving as Hebrew School by proxy for millions of teens.

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While of course it's good for non-Jews to become knowledgable about Judaism — and you know, that it exists as a religious entity — there are other celebrities who actually are Jewish who are capable of doing this, too. Do you remember Adam Sandler's "The Hanukkah Song," parts one, two, and three? I do, and I remember it because during Hanukkah —a time when many Jews, to quote Sandler, "feel like the only kid[s] in town without a Christmas tree" — it allowed me to realize that many celebrities light menorahs, too. It's more refreshing for Jewish teens to hear about other celebs who share their religious beliefs — especially when there are so many. The late and brilliantly funny Joan Rivers! Sarah Silverman! Natalie Portman! Adam Levine, for crying out loud!

While it's never a bad thing for people who are totally clueless about Judaism to become aware of its existence — and while it's obviously cool that Styles is obviously open to Judaism — it's a very unfitting choice for a Jewish newspaper to put Styles on a list of powerful Jews. It's not like the Jewish community is totally devoid of talent — in fact, it's rife with it. Those celebs mentioned above are way more influential than Styles ever will be — even if Styles did once tell his Jewish fans, as Crushable also pointed out, to have an easy fast on Yom Kippur:

But the good news is that perhaps this can give some Jewish tweens hope that Styles will perform at their bat mitzvahs. Damn, I'm sure many 13-year-old One Direction fans were crossing their fingers for "What Makes You Beautiful: Bat Mitzvah Edition." Sample lyric suggestion: " light up my world with your shiny braces..."