Bradley Cooper Might Play a Raccoon in 'Guardians of the Galaxy,' Marvel's Weirdest Movie Yet

Guardians of the Galaxy is shaping up to be Marvel's strangest project yet, which is really saying something, since they're the people behind George Lucas's 1985 film Howard the Duck. The latest casting news for this hopeful franchise is that Bradley Cooper has reportedly been offered the role of Rocket Raccoon, a surgically and genetically altered raccoon. (Umm, what?) If he accepts, Cooper would only voice the character, because you know, raccoon and all, but why put Bradley Cooper in a movie if we're not going to ever see his face? It just seems cruel.

This is just the latest in a string of casting announcements that makes it seem like there are way more Guardians than Avengers. The cast already includes star Chris Pratt as the Guardians leader, as well as Zoe Saldana, Vin Diesel, Glenn Close, Djimon Hounsou, Benecio Del Toro, Karen Gillian, Michael Rooker and John C. Reilly.

If you're thinking, "why do Reilly and Vin Diesel get to have faces when Cooper would be a freaking raccoon," don't worry, they might not. Most of the the other characters are a form of crazy on par with a mutant woodland creature, like Reilly's Rhomann Dey, who in many versions of the comic wears a metal mask that hides his face. Diesel is playing a giant tree—well, a walking tree-alien.

I told you it was strange. Marvel may be putting a little too much stock in this one, it's hard to imagine anyone, especially kids, getting excited about so many alien creatures with no human resemblance. Maybe they can get on board with the raccoon, but I'm not so sure about the rest.

The fact that Guardians of the Galaxy was even chosen as Marvel's next attempted franchise just makes the lack of female-led superhero movies even more frustrating. There are more out there than DC Comics' Wonder Woman (who is still missing from movie screens) and the failed Elektra. A few women thrown into a male-lead ensemble like X-Men or The Avengers doesn't count.

Let's make a deal Marvel, I'll sit through Guardians, support Pratt and give it a real chance, if you give me a Black Widow or Ms. Marvel movie. It's only fair.