What Everyone Thinks About Circumcision

As we know all too well, people with penises tend to direct most of the world's conversation.

Thus, it comes as no surprise: When those penises make the news, they will cause discussion. Today's case in point: The National Center for Health Statistics (part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) says the popularity of male circumcision has fallen dramatically over the past 32 years, especially in West Coast states such as Nevada and California.

What, exactly, causes circumcision's popularity to rise and fall? Is it a question of medical science? Or more of a social question, in line with historic practices of foot-binding, neck-lengthening, and teeth-straightening? The CDC won't say for sure, but plenty of others have thoughts on the matter.

So, in the name of clarity, we too launched a non-scientific investigation into the wider cultural landscape of male genitalia... landscaping. Turns out everyone has an opinion:

Scientists Say...

Some doctors: Circumcision won't affect sexual pleasure.

Other doctors: Circumcision will affect sexual pleasure.

More doctors: Uncircumcised men are at much greater risk for STIs.

Even more doctors: Uncircumcised men aren't at much greater risk for STIs.

Europeans say...

Royal Family: It is tradition, Kevin.

Europeans In General: Heavens no.

Jews say...

Most Jewish Israelis: Covenant with God!

Some Jewish Israelis: Well...

Most Orthodox Jews: Ritual circumcision is safest.

Some Orthodox Jews: Ritual circumcision is not safest.

Muslims Say...

Most Muslims: Circumcision is not compulsory in Islam.

Most Muslims: "We'll circumcise our boys."

The Internet Says...

This Atlantic author's 'golden rule of penises': "Do unto your son what was done unto you."

This same Atlantic author's friends: "It’s hard enough for a guy to get blow jobs as it is.

This Esquire author: Foreskins make for better hand jobs.

This other Esquire author: "Circumcision is just like a crew cut for the penis."

This guy on a Yahoo! Forum: Oh, God.

Insurers say...

Most private insurers: Circumcision is covered under your plan.

Most public insurers: Circumcision is not covered under your plan.

Activists say...

Protestors in L.A.: "Actually, we're Intactivists"

The American Academy of Pediatrics: "Cut it out." (OK, rough quote).

Comedians say...

Penn and Teller: "Circumcision's for dicks."

Amy Schumer: "Ahhhh!"