Trader Joe’s is basically a black hole of delicious snacks and wine and frozen dinners. I love it. It’s one of my favorite places in the world. I find no greater joy than waltzing into a Trader Joe’s with an empty basket and heart full of longing for eclectic products and produce that have already been chopped up for me. It might have its flaws (I forgive you for that produce section, boo) but it has everything: cereal, trail mix, coconut yogurt, chai latte mix, its own brand of Sriracha. The cashiers working there are always so awesome and chatty, but not too chatty. Seasonal products are always aplenty, and coming here the day after fall starts is like swimming in a beautiful pool of Pumpkin Spice Lattes while wearing a cable-knit sweater.
Furthermore, Trader Joe’s gets away with cutesy names like “High Brow Chocolate Chip Cookies,” and “Cat Cookies For People” because their marketing team is seriously genius. And everything is undeniably tasty. If you’re Trader Joe’s obsessed too, here are some very real thoughts that may occur while you meander down aisles of excellence:
1. Oh my god. I almost got run over in the parking lot.
2. Spiced apple cider is back, bitches!
3. Give me all the organic, stinky cheese. Now.
4. Huh. I never noticed how Hawaiian it is in here.
5. New products!! I must try all of them!!
6. What exactly is a Powerberry?
7. Oh, Cookie Butter. That doesn’t sound dangerous or anything. I’ll take it.
8. Ugh, Is it Candy Cane Joe Joe season yet?
9. I need to start working out more so I can justify buying all this trail mix
10. Who do I have to sleep with around here to make sure they stock cold brew coffee?
11. OMG Maple Leaf cookies because it’s autumn. So perfect.
12. Who has that much time to illustrate a chalkboard?
13. Why are all these red onions squishy?
14. Why do they have some random squash but no broccoli? Who doesn’t have broccoli? Monsters don't have broccoli.
15. Screw it, I’m getting the guacamole kit then
16. So much pizza
17. Mac ‘n cheese balls? Um don’t mind if I do, TJs.
18. Come hither, cute wine bottles
19. Whut, Trader Joe’s sells pressed juice now? On it.
20. Poutine? What is Poutine. I’m buying it.
21. Ooh, and this frozen Indian curry. So ethnic.
22. I’m just going to grab some bags of frozen fruit so I can start making smoothies every morning. Like Gwyneth Paltrow.
23. Fresh squeezed OJ? Oh, you fancy now, Trader Joe’s.
24. Look at all these pies. God, yes.
25. Flaxseed tortilla chips are so healthy they barely count
26. Oh my god, so many people, just get out of the way, all of you
27. Free sample of butternut squash salad and cherry juice? Why, thank you, Trader Joe’s. My body feels nourished.
28. Wow, this is good. Forget dinner, I’m just buying a crate of pre-made salads.
29. What is up with all the babies in flannel shirts and little Converse?
30. They just played Broken Bells and then Of Mice and Men so I think I know what’s up
31. I don’t need anything. But I need everything.