Cats and cops are sexy Halloween costumes of the most basic sort, especially when you can be a sexy anything this Halloween — and I truly mean anything. There is a wealth of sexy Halloween costumes that are so ridiculous it's almost confusing, but then again, this holiday is all about free candy, fright nights, and dressing up like something you aren't in your everyday life, so maybe it's OK to get a little crazy. Screw being a high-heel wearing kitten, (although it's important to note that anything-but-basic cat Halloween costumes do exist). Fuhgeddaboud being a naughty nurse in a too-short skirt or latex-clad cop with cuffs. Zzzz. Those are the equivalent of Halloween costume Ambien. Why settle when you can be a sexy hamburger (!), a sexy carrot (!!), or a sexy elephant (!!!) if you wish?
Nope, I'm not kidding. These are costumes that actually exist, which I guess is just proof that you don't have to be a tryhard to be sexy. There are plenty of options that allow you to get goofy on October 31. If Stewie from Family Guy can have sexy parties, you can be a sexy vegetable and much more.
There's a difference between being ridiculously sexy and just being straight up ridiculous — and these costumes are proof of that. The costume concepts themselves aren't inherently sexy. That, my dears, comes from you when you put it on and strut your stuff. Honestly, some of these might actually be kind of fun if you wear 'em right. I chose 13 outrageous ensembles, since that lucky unlucky number seems so apropos for Halloween and this time of year. So go ahead and get ridic, you sexy carrot you.
1. SEXY CARROT
Yes, of course this costume is somewhat phallic in multiple ways, from the shape of the carrot to where it's pointing. But carrots are good for you, so be a sexy veggie without hesitation, if that's what you're into. ($49.95, yandy.com)
2. SEXY SLICE
Er, who doesn't love a good pizza pie? That's amore, right? ($69.95, yandy.com)
3. SEXY SEA TURTLE
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are just one element of '90s culture that's back with a vengeance. Show 'em why the '90s were hawt with this sexy sea turtle getup. ($149.95, yandy.com)
4. SEXY JOLLY RANCHER
"Candy Girl, you are my world," sang New Edition once a long time ago. Since Halloween is all about candy, you can be literal as a sexy Jolly Rancher. There's a sucker born every minute... ($49.95, yandy.com)
5. SEXY M&M
You know, those recent M&M commercials have been awkwardly sexy, haven't they? ($49.95, yandy.com)
6. SEXY ELEPHANT
There is nothing sexy about elephants. They are cute. They are wild. They are believed to have terrific memories. Which is fitting, I guess, because it's safe to say this "sexy" elephant costume is unforgettable. ($40.63, pinkqueen.com)
7. SEXY NUN
This is an, uh, interesting take on a ridic and unusual sexy costume. It's thisclose to being all wrong, too. But whatever floats your boat. "I want to be a sexy nun," said no one ever. ($69, forplaycatalog.com).
8. SEXY CLOWN
Clowns are terrifying. They are the antithesis of sexy. Ronald McDonald is not hawt. That is, until you put this costume on. Kind of. ($99.95, yandy.com)
9. SEXY HAMBURGER
Even the staunchest vegetarian would have fun being a sexy hamburger for Halloween. It makes me think of that old Big Mac McDonald's jingle: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun! ($39.95, yandy.com)
10. SEXY BAT
Bruce Wayne is always looking for a suitable partner. So a sexy bat is a totally viable and only slightly ridic choice. ($48.99, halloweencostumes.com)
11. SEXY MONKEY
Austin Powers seems like he would call his lady love a "Sexy Monkey." This is so goofy, but if you have confidence, it's actually kind of workable. ($199.95, yandy.com)
12. SEXY CORN
Produce can be sexy, as the carrot has proven. A sexy ear of corn... yeah, OK, if you want to be "out there" and sexy, I suppose this is how you do it. Can you imagine the convos that will ensue at your Halloween party? ($59.95, yandy.com)
13. SEXY LOBSTER
Marine life is sexy, too. Check out dem claws on this sexy lobster. Hey, if there's a Rock Lobster, which is a song, there can be a sexy one, too. ($64.95, yandy.com)