'Below Deck''s season finale recapped in quotes, all of them stupid
As you might imagine, a season below deck (SHOW NAME SHOW NAME!) on a luxury yacht is likely to generate a boatload (HAHAHA) of great lines. Attractive (read: dumb) people holed up in a small space with little to do in their downtime except drink and hook up? Looked over by a captain who legally cannot fire this crew assembled specifically for the purposes of reality TV, featuring a:
- Control freak
- Jared Leto-looking loose cannon
- British guy who thinks he's charming because of course he is, that accent
That's a perfect recipe for ridiculous quote-making! And the season finale of Below Deck thankfully did not disappoint, doubling down on the offhand insubordination, sexism, and reckless disregard for civility that have characterized this show all season. In short: I'm going to miss these guys!
"That's how I've gotten…everything I've gotten in this industry"
Last week CJ got in trouble -- he'd say unfairly -- for cracking a cold one off the bow with Sam in full (theoretical) view of the crew and charter guests. Offered the chance to take reduced pay this week or lose his job...CJ chose the latter, and jumped ship to a 50-foot catamaran due for New Hampshire. "How he's gotten everything in this industry" is making rash decisions that leave his crewmates in the lurch and bolting when he gets yelled at by authority figures. BOHEMIAN.
"It hurts me to look at your face, Adrienne"
That's Sam, describing the way it feels in her stomach to gaze in the direction of Adrienne, her direct superior who would just not get over the fact that Sam disrespected her rank. What a bitch! Adrienne, why are you always harshing everyone's buzz and getting us to do shit like "clean up" and "do our jobs"?
"I'm actually a higher rank than you"
Objectively true, as spoken by Ben, but included for the snooty upper-crust accent with which it was delivered. That American women can't get enough of this schtick is a mystery to me on par with Atlantis, or women.
"I want to be proud of the person I've become"
On the one hand: Kat, good for you. Someone showed you the footage from two weeks ago (plus every week before and after) and you didn't love the alcoholic sex-fiend with dirty feet you'd been edited to resemble. There's always room to improve, to be the best version of yourself. On the other hand: you told Ben not to "f**k his grandma" as you said goodbyes. I guess what I'm saying is never change?
"It looks like a nipple. A little breast"
First non-crew quote! The final charter of the season was a group of 7-8 women out to have a good time, and say weirdly moronic things about Ben's Eggs Benedict. I wouldn't have included this but for the fact that they'd go on to tip the crew $12,000, suggesting these are professional women of means. Upgrade your comments, ladies!
"I've got moves you haven't even seen!"
Onto the "sex as power" part of our finale, in which Adrienne threw on a pair of short shorts and shamelessly flirted with the lesbian guests to elicit a better tip (which the crew did get). But hey, we've all been there, right? Shimmying for a group of older women so we could put a down payment on a jetski?
"I think we're all getting sticky"
Adrienne again, realizing she'd need to take her faux-lesbian commentary to the NEXT LEVEL if she really wanted that extra cash. No one even asked her to say that, which tells you everything you need to know about her commitment level. Girl's in it to win it!
"Adrienne probably scissored half of them, and I thank her for it"
"I worked harder on this charter season than I have in my entire life"