In my mind, there exists a certain group of absurdly wealthy people in this world who spend the majority of their time just looking for the next totally crazy thing to purchase. For them, Dolce & Gabbana has a pair of $12,500 jeans, complete with bedazzling. After all, these hypothetical humans are already buying islands and elephant sanctuaries and diamond-encrusted underwear because what else are they supposed to do with all that money? Donate it? Hogwash. You would think these types of people are too busy, I don't know, organizing their jets or something to shop for jeans, but hey, even rich people like a good pair of denim. So fear not, ridiculously wealthy people of the world, because there is now a pair of jeans just for you.
Bedazzled with dozens of Swaroski crystals (why not just go with diamonds and rubies, guys?), the Dolce & Gabbana denim recently floated down the runway in D&G's spring/summer 2015 show. The jeans are 99 percent cotton and 100 percent unattainable for most anyone with a normal salary who also hopes to feed themselves for the next two to three years.
But, let's really sit down and think about this, because someone, somewhere is going to buy these. So let's get a quick list going of what they'd really be useful for.
1. Wardrobe For An Adult Lizzie McGuire
If you haven't heard, Hilary Duff is not against a Lizzie McGuire cast reunion. This is, of course, BIG news: But what will they wear? I can imagine Gordo's disgust at Lizzie wearing these pants already... "Lizzie, you're perfect the way you are, why do you have to try to be like everyone else?" To which Lizzie will say, "For GOD'S sake, Gordo, these are DOLCE AND GABBANA." I don't know. Just a thought.
2. Setting Off Metal Detectors
Ever go to the airport and you're just like, "Man, why does everything go SO smoothly every time I'm here? I want to set off some alarms! Make some people worry! Cause PANIC!" Well, guys, here's your chance. Not only would you set off some detectors, but I feel like these pants could be consider a weapon in and of themselves. You rub the wrong way against someone's leg, and you won't be making any friends, that's all I'm saying. And this leads me to my next idea...
3. Human Cheese Grater
Grab yourself a huge hunk of cheese and just start rubbing them on your outer thigh. Sounds weird? Maybe. But, hey, who needs kitchen utensils when you have pants that cost the same amount as some cars? You UTILIZE those pants, girl.
So, when we really examine all the options, maybe these crazy person pants aren't really so crazy after all. And even if they are, well, let's not question the people who end up buying them. Why? Because they're the same crazy rich people who will most likely be ruling the world from their Givenchy spaceships in 10 to 20 years. But, you know, that's also just an idea.
Images: Getty Images, Moda Operandi (2); Giphy